...and yet I am the one who's changed.

One of the many things I considered to be a part of God's plan for moving me the "whole way out to Missouri" was the possibility of reconnecting with and restoring a relationship with my estranged brother. The last time we had spoken was in 2005 and to say that we parted on bad terms would be putting it lightly. But I was sure that somehow being 8 hours closer to him would afford me the opportunity to at least re-establish contact. At first I mostly just prayed about it. But weeks turned into months and months into a couple of years and I remember thinking (after hearing that he wasn't doing too great) that maybe Eric and I could possibly help him in some way. Of course praying that seemed cuh-razy! How would I be able to do anything? What, did God want me to high-tail it up to the city and bring him back with me? But none the less, I believe a seed was planted as I prayed, ""Lord if you want him to come here, make a way!" There have been times over the last year where the Lord has brought my brother to my mind. He has directly made me think of him, had my kids ask about him, had someone preach about our "lost" brothers and sisters, etc. On a Thanksgiving in 2011 I remember specifically sharing with my church family of my burden that I had for my brother and that I knew that God would provide a way for me to reconnect and that somehow he would see his need for the Lord. Again, weeks turned into months and months into a year and once again hearing about my brother's deep peril I inadvertantly shot him a text. Now, I will tell you, I had up until this time attempted on many occassions to contact him, but never heard anything back from him. So, I really didn't expect anything but followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit to text him. Within minutes my phone rang, not because he was wanting to "talk to me" but because he didn't know who the text was from. It was a great way, however, to break the ice and catch up on our lives. I soon found out that indeed he was experiencing great peril and it was a time of crisis. About a month after this conversation our church encouraged members to select something to place on a prayer card that we would commit to praying for along with the prayer team at church. We all agreed that we would place my brother's name on the card. Over the next three months the contact I had with my brother increased. We texted and talked on the phone quite often. He told me that he had a "job" in Missouri and thought that he would try and come see us or maybe we could come see him. His job ended up being about 5 hours from where we lived so we began planning a weekend trip to go and see him. As the time grew nearer and our conversations increased it was clear to me that this "job" he had was just a temporary thing and that when it was done (2 weeks) he really didn't know what he was going to do and he asked if he could just come see us. My anxiety level increased. My plan... you know the one I so carefully and quickly had calculated in my mind of how things would work out... just crumbled before my eyes. He texted me on a Monday evening to let me know he would be coming that Friday. I was paralyzed with many different emotions. I really felt like I was in over my head. I remembered that cuh-razy prayer I prayed three years ago...."If you want him to come here, provide a way!" What was I thinking! I couldn't sleep so I sat in my living room and began to pray. I gave my anxiety over to the Lord and asked him to please, please, please tell me what I was supposed to do. Suddenly, my phone alert went off. I looked at my phone and saw that my daily verse had come through. Here is what it said: "He who loves his brother remains in the light." I John 2:10. Of course my fears melted away and I knew this was what I was to do; Not judge, Not criticize, Not vent, Not accuse.... BUT JUST LOVE! Who knew that God actually texted! I had no idea that this time of loving my brohter would last for 9 weeks. But as the Lord orchestrated each and every detail it amazed me at how omniscient and powerful God really is as His plan unfolds. Of course I already knew all of this, but I will say that this experience has deepened my understanding of the character and awesomeoness of God. My attempt here to capture all of the ways God worked most likely will not do Him justice but I will try. I was first humbled by the reaction of my children to their uncle. LOVE oozed from their very being. No judging, no questions, nothing but genuine LOVE! It challenged my walk with the Lord as I saw their concern for the salvation of this family member and had NO RESERVATIONS about our decision for him to be with us. As the days turned into weeks I knew that there would have to be serious conversations about what he was going to do next. I was amazed at how the timing and the calmness that pervaded my spirit each time these conversations occurred. Some were heated, but were always productive. The prayers of my youngest each night as we prayed around the table always included that "everyone would come to know You, Lord." and you would invariably see her stare at her uncle as she uttered these prayers. His visit changed our family in ways that words can not express. Many know the testimony of my husband and how the Lord brought him from a very reckless lifestyle. The Lord used his testimony in so many powerful ways. He spent many nights talking with my brother and giving of his time and was so very patient. He included him in various projects around the house, etc. He was every bit of what you would hope your husband would be when your brother comes to live with you for what seems an indefinate period of time. He went out of his way to accomodate and make my brother feel welcome and accepted. I was blessed by his testimony of LOVE. With each week that passed I saw that the Lord was softening my brother. He seemed less defensive and actually open to looking at his own life and decisions he has made. One of his regrets was "missing out" on family things. During his stay here he was able to witness 3 concerts,an art show, a play, 6 volleyball practices and 6 volleyball games, 5 softball games, and even an 8th grade graduation. I was so grateful for our active schedule that allowed him to see the girls perform, play and compete. He was their biggest fan! After one night of a very exhausting conversation I laid in bed and talked with Eric about needing to find some place for him to go. We prayed specifically that "we could find out about a place like Teen Challenge". It is really the only kind of rehab place I knew about. I went to work the next morning and in casual conversation a lady that I work with started to tell me that in a few days she was going to a graduation at TEEN CHALLENGE. She was wondering if I had ever heard of it. Well, of course I almost started crying as she talked because I knew that this was a direct answer. While her husband secured an application for me it ended up being a place for younger individuals but this encounter led to a discussion with my brother about whether or not he would be interested in going to a place like this, if it accomodated someone his age. He was so open to it instead of going to bed I spent the next three hours combing the internet looking for some place that we could afford and that seemed like a good fit. We narrowed it down to three and as we talked to him it seemed like "Heartland's Men Recovery" in LaBelle, Missouri was a perfect opportunity to shed some things in his life. At first we thought that the process would be quick, fast and simple. Not that it was hard, but it didn't go as quickly as "my plans" suggested. (Are you catching on that every time I had a plan it didn't work.... then God's plan did.. Yeah.. me too!) However, months prior to my brother's arrival my mom had purchased plane tickets to come out to see us. As you guessed it, she arrived just in time to be here before he left. We both had the opportunity to take him to the recovery center, see where he will be, and most importantly pray for him before we left. That moment was extremely emotional as I sensed his thankfulness and brokeness like never before. The nine weeks melted away and I knew this was the answer to my prayer three years ago, "Lord if you want him to come here, make a way!" I do not want to lead you to believe that this whole process was rosy and perfect. There were plenty of times I wanted to scream, pull my hair out, judge, criticize and then I was reminded of that verse and was prompted to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! I still can't believe it all happened. I know there will stil be more to the story. The program he entered is 18 months so only time will tell. But I rest assured and with the hope that can only be found in Christ that God's got it all under control. I took my brother to rehab, and yet I'm the one who's changed... sounds like a God thing to me!