A God Moment .... in a nutshell!

Today I had a God moment and seriously if I could I would try and explain it in a nutshell. It was so powerful it may end up being more like a handfull of nuts... but alas.... I will try. For about the last 2 months my life has been incredibly busy and full of transitions and challenges. This post is not going to outline all of those but just suffice it to say that I was struggling with a bit of anxiety. I attributed it mostly to the transition of selling our home, and moving into our cozy little town home. But recently I knew it was more than just another move. It just seemed like I was spinning my wheels, burning the wick at both ends, and sleep seemed to be evading me at every corner. My joint pain from RA seemed to magnify as each day progressed. When the school year began all of it seemed to just intensify as I added to my life more demands to my schedule. So, that brings me to my God moment that happened today. For the last few days my heart had been weary. I was allowing myself to be consumed. My days seemed to go from sun up to way past sun down. Well, my daughter was going to be playing with the worship team for one song this morning which meant I needed to be at the church at 7:00 AM. Usually Sunday is my day to sleep in because church does not begin until 9:30. So, getting up this morning was a real struggle. But, I had to do it. I had been encouraging her to do this so I had to back up my words and drive her to practice. I got up at 5:45 and was ready with plenty of time to spare. So as I sat on the couch waiting for my girls to get ready and I began to pray. It was the beginning of my God moment. I actually contemplated bringing some papers to grade while my daughter practiced. After all I was going to have a whole HOUR with NOTHING to do!. But I was prompted, as I sat there on the couch, to just go, read my bible and listen to the worship team practice. I sat there in silence and uttered a sincere prayer. "Lord, show me what I need to do. I can't stand to be this way. Is there some action I need to take, something I need to release, something I need to change... please show me." We drove to church and I sat in the back pew and opened my bible to Psalm 9 while I listened to them sing. The first part of that chapter spoke to me directly. "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High." It quickly hit me that the first answer to my prayer was to give thanks. I sat there thanking the Lord for whatever I could think of at that moment and decided that maybe I just needed to be more thankful. It seemed kind of simple and to be honest... "the same old.. same old" I agreed to the Lord that I am sure everyone could be more thankful. I then closed my bible... well actually signed out of it on my kindle... and began to listen to the worship songs and just sang my heart out right there in the back row of the sanctuary. Interestingly, as they practiced their worship set the worship leader interjected a reading from....that's right....Psalm 9! As I sang, I will admit, my spirits were lifted but still in the back of my mind was the burden of "all that I still had to do today and in the next few weeks" and I was experiencing the heaviness of burdens that I was carrying of friends and family who need the Lord or are facing great struggles and tragedy in their lives. Our church has two services and so because my daughter was playing for the first time I had planned to go to first service and then stay for the worship in the second service. Enter the moment where the God moment seemed to just take over. Now remember, I had already sung all the songs several times as the worship team practiced so it is not like I didn't know what we were about to sing. But as we began to sing I heard the voice inside my heart. Are you ready for the answer to your question? Because, here it comes! Over the course of the next 20 minutes the Holy Spirit used the words and music of the songs to gently give me the answer to my prayer uttered earlier that morning. What was I supposed to do? The first answer was what He tried to tell me earlier. It was to just be thankful in a deeper sense and try to Bless and Praise the Lord in all things. The line that said...."For all your goodness I will keep on singing... Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find." made me realize that that was the same message from the verse I had just read. And of course, the worship leader read again from Psalm 9! Ok, Ok, I get it I need to be thankful! But how is that going to help me, Lord. just change my attitude and it becomes fine? I realized that I was to listen more because the Lord had some more to say. We began singing more and it seemed like... no it actually was that every line of every song seemed to remind me that the Lord was in control and that He was the creator and maker of the earth and that what I needed to do was acknowledge that. It seemed so very simple, yet it was so very powerful. The last song we sang was an old hymn, Near to the Heart of God. There is a place of quiet rest, Near to the heart of God. A place where sin cannot molest, Near to the heart of God. Refrain O Jesus, blest Redeemer, Sent from the heart of God, Hold us who wait before Thee Near to the heart of God. There is a place of comfort sweet, Near to the heart of God. A place where we our Savior meet, Near to the heart of God. Refrain There is a place of full release, Near to the heart of God. A place where all is joy and peace, Near to the heart of God. As I sang this I got the exact answer that the Lord was preparing me for the entire time of worship. What was I to do? DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD It wasn't really what I was expecting. I really was expecting some kind of direction that I was to take or something I was to tangibly do. But the Lord softly spoke to my heart and said, I've got all you need, draw near to me. Ok, so you would think that the moment would stop right there. But no... I still had the worship time during the second service! We went through the same songs but this time I sang them not with a heavy heart, but a heart of rejoicing and release. As we came to the last song we were on the last verse and our worship leader, Noel shared that he and his wife talked about how this hymn is often sung at funerals but he (and this is where the GOD MOMENT EXPLODED) said (and I paraphrase) "you know we don't have to be in heaven to be close to the Lord. We can do it right here, right now. What is it that you need? What have you asked the Lord for today? Draw near to Him and your life will have the joy and peace; you find what you need." At that moment I realized that the Lord had fully answered my prayer and that was my answer to "What am I supposed to do?" DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD How simple, but so beautiful. It was like the Lord said... now I have been trying to tell you this each of the three times you've sang these songs... but did you hear what Noel said? That is what you need to do... just DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD Got it? Are we good now? I love you and I've got all the rest taken care of!

On the other side of empty......

While it is hard for me to admit it, I found myself in a precarious situation. I had made my third trip into town that day and each time intended on completing a certain errand. Each trip came with distractions and thus the errand was rendered undone. I realize I can't be too hard on myself for forgetting a simple errand. However, when the errand is getting gas...yeah it is kind of important.

I sat first in line at a red light at a busy intersection 100 feet from the Quick Trip, finally intending to complete this mundane task when my van sputtered and then stopped just as the light turned green. There I sat with the answer to my dilemma right in front of me. But, I couldn't do a thing about it. I was in the front of the line with cars behind me wondering why I was still sitting there at a green light. As I turned on my hazard lights I began to wonder what it was exactly that I was going to do to fix this precarious situation. Not only would I need to have some help, but I was not going to be able to do it without the gawking eyes of others.

I made the painful decision to call my husband and explain my situation. I call it a painful decision because this is not the first time I have had to call him for this very reason. Yes, over the past few months I have actually (please don't judge me) run out of gas at least 3 or 4 times. Each of the other times I have had a pretty good "excuse" (yeah right) but this time was different. I had been in town THREE times that day and just "forgot" to get gas. How do you forget to get gas? Seriously? Well, by the time I was just about finished processing this I look back to see a policeman running my plates, lights a blaring,and making this experience something that what seemed like all of Harrisonville could now enjoy. As the officer approached my vehicle I sheepishly rolled down my window and squeaked out, "I'm out of gas!"

I went on to explain that my husband was enroute and he agreed that the best thing was just to wait. Now, up until this time it was just strangers who passed me, stared at me, and drove on. Now that the situation was "under control" I looked over to my right at the traffic that was about to turn down and go right by me. You guessed it, it was someone I knew. While I wanted to shrink down and hide, I pasted on a grin and gave a thumbs up to let them know they did not need to put their life in jeopardy by trying to help me in what was now a clogged intersection because "some woman's van was for some reason stalled at an intersection." As the cars from that lane continued to drive by me I counted 4 or 5 people that I knew...mortifying!

Of course it seemed like ages before I saw my husband's truck pull up close to us. With gas can in hand he weaved his way to our van and without any words of harassment or criticism, he added enough gas to get across the street to the Quick Trip (where I had intended to fill up each time I came to town that day).

I am glad to report that the tank is full and I plan to work a little bit harder to keep an eye on the needle! But, of course while waiting I heard a still small voice remind me of other things that I am trying to run on empty! This whole scenario was a reminder of my need to take time for renewal and refreshment not just when my tank is empty, but every day. Our church is going through a 6 week study that emphasizes getting into God's Word and the importance of being in daily communion and fellowship with God to avoid being caught in life's busy intersections on empty. The last time Eric came to my rescue I was just a few miles down the road and the situation unfolded without the entire population of Harrisonville looking on. At that moment I was gently reminded that when I neglect my time with the Lord and don't seek to "fill my tank" I can find myself caught in some sticky situations unprepared, sitting with the world watching, with all that I need in sight, but unable to tap into any resources because I am sitting on empty.

This week we have had our Spring Break, so I have been refreshed and renewed in many ways. I have been refreshed physically with some extra sleep, my house has been renewed with 5 bags to Good Will, and my times of devotion and just being QUIET have also been renewed. So, with this small escapade behind me, I am thankful (in more ways than one) to be sitting on the “other side of empty”. It blesses me oh so very much!