A God Moment .... in a nutshell!

Today I had a God moment and seriously if I could I would try and explain it in a nutshell. It was so powerful it may end up being more like a handfull of nuts... but alas.... I will try. For about the last 2 months my life has been incredibly busy and full of transitions and challenges. This post is not going to outline all of those but just suffice it to say that I was struggling with a bit of anxiety. I attributed it mostly to the transition of selling our home, and moving into our cozy little town home. But recently I knew it was more than just another move. It just seemed like I was spinning my wheels, burning the wick at both ends, and sleep seemed to be evading me at every corner. My joint pain from RA seemed to magnify as each day progressed. When the school year began all of it seemed to just intensify as I added to my life more demands to my schedule. So, that brings me to my God moment that happened today. For the last few days my heart had been weary. I was allowing myself to be consumed. My days seemed to go from sun up to way past sun down. Well, my daughter was going to be playing with the worship team for one song this morning which meant I needed to be at the church at 7:00 AM. Usually Sunday is my day to sleep in because church does not begin until 9:30. So, getting up this morning was a real struggle. But, I had to do it. I had been encouraging her to do this so I had to back up my words and drive her to practice. I got up at 5:45 and was ready with plenty of time to spare. So as I sat on the couch waiting for my girls to get ready and I began to pray. It was the beginning of my God moment. I actually contemplated bringing some papers to grade while my daughter practiced. After all I was going to have a whole HOUR with NOTHING to do!. But I was prompted, as I sat there on the couch, to just go, read my bible and listen to the worship team practice. I sat there in silence and uttered a sincere prayer. "Lord, show me what I need to do. I can't stand to be this way. Is there some action I need to take, something I need to release, something I need to change... please show me." We drove to church and I sat in the back pew and opened my bible to Psalm 9 while I listened to them sing. The first part of that chapter spoke to me directly. "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High." It quickly hit me that the first answer to my prayer was to give thanks. I sat there thanking the Lord for whatever I could think of at that moment and decided that maybe I just needed to be more thankful. It seemed kind of simple and to be honest... "the same old.. same old" I agreed to the Lord that I am sure everyone could be more thankful. I then closed my bible... well actually signed out of it on my kindle... and began to listen to the worship songs and just sang my heart out right there in the back row of the sanctuary. Interestingly, as they practiced their worship set the worship leader interjected a reading from....that's right....Psalm 9! As I sang, I will admit, my spirits were lifted but still in the back of my mind was the burden of "all that I still had to do today and in the next few weeks" and I was experiencing the heaviness of burdens that I was carrying of friends and family who need the Lord or are facing great struggles and tragedy in their lives. Our church has two services and so because my daughter was playing for the first time I had planned to go to first service and then stay for the worship in the second service. Enter the moment where the God moment seemed to just take over. Now remember, I had already sung all the songs several times as the worship team practiced so it is not like I didn't know what we were about to sing. But as we began to sing I heard the voice inside my heart. Are you ready for the answer to your question? Because, here it comes! Over the course of the next 20 minutes the Holy Spirit used the words and music of the songs to gently give me the answer to my prayer uttered earlier that morning. What was I supposed to do? The first answer was what He tried to tell me earlier. It was to just be thankful in a deeper sense and try to Bless and Praise the Lord in all things. The line that said...."For all your goodness I will keep on singing... Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find." made me realize that that was the same message from the verse I had just read. And of course, the worship leader read again from Psalm 9! Ok, Ok, I get it I need to be thankful! But how is that going to help me, Lord. just change my attitude and it becomes fine? I realized that I was to listen more because the Lord had some more to say. We began singing more and it seemed like... no it actually was that every line of every song seemed to remind me that the Lord was in control and that He was the creator and maker of the earth and that what I needed to do was acknowledge that. It seemed so very simple, yet it was so very powerful. The last song we sang was an old hymn, Near to the Heart of God. There is a place of quiet rest, Near to the heart of God. A place where sin cannot molest, Near to the heart of God. Refrain O Jesus, blest Redeemer, Sent from the heart of God, Hold us who wait before Thee Near to the heart of God. There is a place of comfort sweet, Near to the heart of God. A place where we our Savior meet, Near to the heart of God. Refrain There is a place of full release, Near to the heart of God. A place where all is joy and peace, Near to the heart of God. As I sang this I got the exact answer that the Lord was preparing me for the entire time of worship. What was I to do? DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD It wasn't really what I was expecting. I really was expecting some kind of direction that I was to take or something I was to tangibly do. But the Lord softly spoke to my heart and said, I've got all you need, draw near to me. Ok, so you would think that the moment would stop right there. But no... I still had the worship time during the second service! We went through the same songs but this time I sang them not with a heavy heart, but a heart of rejoicing and release. As we came to the last song we were on the last verse and our worship leader, Noel shared that he and his wife talked about how this hymn is often sung at funerals but he (and this is where the GOD MOMENT EXPLODED) said (and I paraphrase) "you know we don't have to be in heaven to be close to the Lord. We can do it right here, right now. What is it that you need? What have you asked the Lord for today? Draw near to Him and your life will have the joy and peace; you find what you need." At that moment I realized that the Lord had fully answered my prayer and that was my answer to "What am I supposed to do?" DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD How simple, but so beautiful. It was like the Lord said... now I have been trying to tell you this each of the three times you've sang these songs... but did you hear what Noel said? That is what you need to do... just DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD Got it? Are we good now? I love you and I've got all the rest taken care of!

On the other side of empty......

While it is hard for me to admit it, I found myself in a precarious situation. I had made my third trip into town that day and each time intended on completing a certain errand. Each trip came with distractions and thus the errand was rendered undone. I realize I can't be too hard on myself for forgetting a simple errand. However, when the errand is getting gas...yeah it is kind of important.

I sat first in line at a red light at a busy intersection 100 feet from the Quick Trip, finally intending to complete this mundane task when my van sputtered and then stopped just as the light turned green. There I sat with the answer to my dilemma right in front of me. But, I couldn't do a thing about it. I was in the front of the line with cars behind me wondering why I was still sitting there at a green light. As I turned on my hazard lights I began to wonder what it was exactly that I was going to do to fix this precarious situation. Not only would I need to have some help, but I was not going to be able to do it without the gawking eyes of others.

I made the painful decision to call my husband and explain my situation. I call it a painful decision because this is not the first time I have had to call him for this very reason. Yes, over the past few months I have actually (please don't judge me) run out of gas at least 3 or 4 times. Each of the other times I have had a pretty good "excuse" (yeah right) but this time was different. I had been in town THREE times that day and just "forgot" to get gas. How do you forget to get gas? Seriously? Well, by the time I was just about finished processing this I look back to see a policeman running my plates, lights a blaring,and making this experience something that what seemed like all of Harrisonville could now enjoy. As the officer approached my vehicle I sheepishly rolled down my window and squeaked out, "I'm out of gas!"

I went on to explain that my husband was enroute and he agreed that the best thing was just to wait. Now, up until this time it was just strangers who passed me, stared at me, and drove on. Now that the situation was "under control" I looked over to my right at the traffic that was about to turn down and go right by me. You guessed it, it was someone I knew. While I wanted to shrink down and hide, I pasted on a grin and gave a thumbs up to let them know they did not need to put their life in jeopardy by trying to help me in what was now a clogged intersection because "some woman's van was for some reason stalled at an intersection." As the cars from that lane continued to drive by me I counted 4 or 5 people that I knew...mortifying!

Of course it seemed like ages before I saw my husband's truck pull up close to us. With gas can in hand he weaved his way to our van and without any words of harassment or criticism, he added enough gas to get across the street to the Quick Trip (where I had intended to fill up each time I came to town that day).

I am glad to report that the tank is full and I plan to work a little bit harder to keep an eye on the needle! But, of course while waiting I heard a still small voice remind me of other things that I am trying to run on empty! This whole scenario was a reminder of my need to take time for renewal and refreshment not just when my tank is empty, but every day. Our church is going through a 6 week study that emphasizes getting into God's Word and the importance of being in daily communion and fellowship with God to avoid being caught in life's busy intersections on empty. The last time Eric came to my rescue I was just a few miles down the road and the situation unfolded without the entire population of Harrisonville looking on. At that moment I was gently reminded that when I neglect my time with the Lord and don't seek to "fill my tank" I can find myself caught in some sticky situations unprepared, sitting with the world watching, with all that I need in sight, but unable to tap into any resources because I am sitting on empty.

This week we have had our Spring Break, so I have been refreshed and renewed in many ways. I have been refreshed physically with some extra sleep, my house has been renewed with 5 bags to Good Will, and my times of devotion and just being QUIET have also been renewed. So, with this small escapade behind me, I am thankful (in more ways than one) to be sitting on the “other side of empty”. It blesses me oh so very much!

Miriam, the woman with no middle name.

Our hearts have recently mourned the loss of Eric's Mom affectionately known to all as Mim. Our family will miss the weekly visits and cherish the memories we made with this most special woman. As I have been pondering and reminicising about her life I have been thinking about an unusual fact that many may not know. Miriam Yoder was the woman with NO middle name.

I remember the evening when I found out that she had no middle name. I spent a great deal of time trying to convince her that certainly she had to have a middle name. It just seemed unusual, almost not fair. I have decided that, in her honor, I shall bestow to her some most fitting middle names.

Miriam "The Mother" Yoder: It didn't take anyone very much time to determine that this woman LOVED LOVED LOVED her boys. I don't think I can ever remember ONCE a negative word uttered from her mouth about these guys. Each one of them had captured her heart in a special way and she rejoiced in their triumphs and gladly bore their sorrows.

Miriam "The Cook" Yoder: While in her last decade she was not able to display her culinary wonders it is widely known that this woman could put on a spread. I remember enjoying some fabulous Sunday dinners. As I look through her old cookbook it is plain to see that cooking was certainly a passion. She always made her food look so beautiful and when you dined with her it wasn't a rushed event. A meal was something to be shared, relished, and enjoyed.

Miriam "The Grandma" Yoder: If you think Mim loved her boys you should have seen/heard her talk about her grandkids. This was one proud Grandma. She was never rushed, always willing to listen, or have an on the spot tea party. She would sit with enduring patience as my girls would "do" her hair and make-up or paint her nails. She was their biggest cheerleader. With each, "Hey Grandma, look at this..." she watched with the raptured attention and made it seem like each performance was Broadway worthy.

Miriam "The Compassionate" Yoder: Mom, Mim, Grandma Mim.... however you knew her; you were aware of her compassion and love of people. She was the kind of person who cheered for the underdog and helped the hurting. Her first response when seeing a need was to figure out WHAT she could do to help. She prayed diligently for those she loved and carried the burdens for so many. It was her delight to help without expecting in return.

Miriam "The Strong One" Yoder: It is no mystery that her life had some bumps along the way. Whenever she would reference these setbacks it was usually couched with a promise of God and a reminder of that despite her circumstances she stood on the grounds that God was indeed still in control. Some of these setbacks seemed to be harder than others but her resolve to trust would emerge and, though heavy hearted, she would still offer up praise to her Creator and Sustainer.

Miriam "The Prayer" Yoder: Mim prayed for so many, many people. Most significantly I know the prayers she offered on behalf of her wayward son have forever changed my life. I am grateful that she never gave up on Eric. A few years ago I found a letter that she wrote to Eric. It reiterated what I already knew; She prayed without ceasing.

Miriam "The Sister" Yoder: It was always a JOY to see Miriam around her sisters. Intense joy filled the room when they were together and laughter was never far from their lips. Sometimes it would be laughter over a story shared or a memory cherished. And sometimes it was just laughter because they loved to laugh. Being in the presence of her sisters brought Mim great comfort.

As time passed in Mim's life her health declined and some of her traits and characteristics began to change somewhat. She still loved a good laugh and her eyes lit up with joy at the presence of family. However, over time, it was difficult for her to let go of some of her independence. At times it was a challenge for us to see her slowly fade. But it is through these years that emerged a new phase for us and an opportunity that allowed us to LOVE her back.To love her the way she loved us, without expecting anything in return.

Miriam "The Loved" Yoder: Gathering around her hospital bed last week it was obvious that this woman was loved. Her life was one of unconditional love and it was a blessing to hear her communicate she was ready to go home. Peace fills our hearts as we ponder that she is finally released to no more pain or sorrow and her life has been renewed. She loved so very much to listen to and sing praise and worship music. I can only imagine how wonderful and content her smile must be as she sits and worships at the feet of her Lord and Savior.

I feel this song expresses how she must feel.( I tried to make it a link, but it wasn't working)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEfHSXZJX_E



You are loved dear Miriam, the woman without a middle name; the mother, the sister, the Grandma.....my friend.

Celebrating Our Ju-Ju Bear!

Ju-Ju Bear, JuCY Box, JU-G! We love our Julia Claire Yoder! I still can't believe that I am embarking on a week where I will begin to say that Julia is 13!
Saying where does the time go seems so trite. But seriously, WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? It seems like just yesterday she was convincing me that she did not want to grow up, and I was convincing her that she would indeed survive Kindergarten. Wow, those were 12 trying weeks of tears every morning. But I look at her now, amazed at how she has overcome her bent towards being shy and has (seemingly overnight) emerged into a beautiful, young lady. I am so proud of my teen and so thankful that I get to be her Mom. I don't ever want to imply that our lives are perfect. Believe me, we have our share of struggles and "growing pains". But, I am so THANKFUL that I can honestly say I enjoy my teenager! I am proud of her and so thankful for her unique gifts and talents!

We had a great night with 5 families joining us to celebrate Julia. We started this tradition with our girls when Kathryn turned 13. We came together with the intent of showering Julia with encouragement and affirmation as she enters this exciting time of her life. We spent the evening reminding her of, not only our love and committment to her, but of God's promises and plan for her life. Eric and I sang "I Bless You!' and even had some great guitar accompaniment as well....thanks Noel!

Each family brought words of encouragment that were shared. We were also excited to have had some family and East Coast friends send some special words (and video) as well. It was a great time of (as someone this evening put it) reminding Julia of "who she is as well as WHOSE she is!"

TOP TEN THINGS I APPRECIATE ABOUT MY JULIA!

...not in any particular order..

1) There is never a dull moment when Julia is around. She is the funny one of the family with a quick wit and timing that is impeccable.

2) CREATIVE with a capital C! This girl can create and invent the greatest skits, dance routines, correography, poems, etc. Her recent rendition of "Christmas Is Coming!" had us ALL in stitches and I was laughing so hard I was crying. She is always taking time to include her younger sister in her "shows" as well. I think her creativity is one of her greatest strengths.

3) She is a servant. Her willingness to help and ability to see when help is needed makes her wise beyond her years. Her sensitivity to others has been evident to me since she was a young child. She always seemed to be able to perceive what someone was feeling, thinking, or needing.

4) She is generous. I love to watch her as she sees a need. She immediately seeks ways to meet it. Her commitment to tithing and giving back to the Lord convicts me, encourages me, and humbles me. It is always the first question she asks when she gets money "How much should I tithe?" I have seen the Lord bless her because of this.

5) Julia is a hard worker. I actually was going to type PERFECTIONIST. But I know she gets that honestly. I see her diligence come through in so many different ways....school, sports, ....really anything! She is not one to slack, but rather embraces the respsonsibility life brings her way.

6) Julia is growing in her faith. I am delighted with the conversations we have about spiritual things, so thankful for her sincere desire to honor the Lord, and am grateful for the priority she places in her pursuing her relationship with the Lord.

7) Over the past 3 to 5 years there have been times when our family has faced some uncertainties. I have always been so amazed at how Julia has trusted us (without question) and seemed so willing to "go without" or "sacrifice" without complaining. She has a common sense about her of what is truly important, what matters, and of what lasts. It is refreshing.

8) She is my cleaner and organizer. Can I just say it is AWESOME to not have to go behind this girl and check to see if something is done "right".I can always count on her!

9) She is perceptive. She has a keen sense to know the intentions and needs of others. Being in a Junior High setting, she comes across many situations where she sees someone who has been mistreated or others who act in duplicity. It AMAZES me how perceptive she is in regards to this. I am so thankful for her desire to stay out of the DRAMA!

10) One of the things I am most proud of is how Julia has grown in the area of accepting change. My most favorite quote of Julia as we prepared to move is "I hate change. Why do we need change? If you want change so bad...go rearrange the living room. Don't try and change how my life is" It is true that JULIA NEVER liked change...even little changes bothered her. But I have seen her really grow in this area and have been so proud of her.


Julia, I love you more each day and am so thankful to be called your Mom. I love you bunches and am so thankful that you are in our family. I can't wait to celebrate your life this week.

Love you,
Mom

The Crossroads between Perfectionism, Reality, and My Life!

The alarm seems to blare at 5:00AM each morning reminding me that I need to get my body out of bed, make sure my oldest is getting up and try to focus on what needs to be done. While there is much to do it is hard to focus. My mind quickly travels to the dishes in my sink that most likely were left unattended and the laundry that still waits on that black living room recliner longing to be folded and put away, the lunches that have not gotten packed,a bathroom that screams to be cleaned,and the questions of how am I going to get that stack of essays graded by 3rd period today? Joining them are the never ending list of things that I can't seem to ever get to on a regular basis. Listing them would be too much for my pride. It's enough that you know my sink is dirty a majority of the time and my laundry seems endless. These thoughts plague my mind as I decide if I should continue to stay safe under the covers of my bed or just get up and do something that might rid my mind of these taunting and undone tasks. It seems like perfectionism and reality collide each morning as soon as my alarm blares its obnoxious ring. How can I manage? Why can't I get it all done? Why does this feeling of overwhelmed never seem to leave? That's where reality creeps in and speaks. I am only one person, I only have 24 hours, I only can do so much. But those excuses seem so pitiful to me, and well, like EXCUSES! Ugh! Why can't it all just fit together and work seemlessly like it usually does when I plan it all out in my head! This is a battle I fight everyday before my feet even hit the floor. It's really not a great way to start the day...already defeated. I have purposefully tried to begin it with thanksgiving and praise, but these things still seem to loom in my thoughts. It's hard to just shake it off and as my Dad would say....Do the NEXT THING!(his motto for getting it done!)

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17"

I was reminded and encouraged recently by this small verse in Colossians. Holding on to this promise is encouraging. It's good to know He can take on this daily battle and actually hold it all together and help me in the process find some sort of balance in it all.

'Standing out' in Babylon

I saw a cornstalk this morning sticking straight out of a field of soybeans. The picture is not all that great, but if you look real close you may be able to see it. It has been growing there, thriving admist the soybeans. There have been other stalks that have tried to emerge but have ended up dying off being choked out by the soybeans. I was amazed that out of the entire field of soybeans this stalk of corn has survived and emerged despite its surroundings. It brought to mind the things that have been processing through my mind recently as I have been challenged to consider what I am doing as a Christian that makes me "stand out" from the world. Before I go any further I will let you know that most of these thoughts have been spurred on by listening to a series on Daniel that my brother is currently doing. Here's the link: well worth the listen~ (or you can download the "text" of the sermon and READ IT TOO!
http://wethefc.com/sermons.php

The sermons go through the story of Daniel and remind us of how he was a citizen of Jerusalem and was thrust into Babylon...the direct antithesis of Jerusalem. The key thing that keeps running through my mind is the question, "As a citizen of Jerusalem,what am I doing that sets me apart from the citizens of Babylon?" In other words......What am I actively, purposefully doing so that people see a difference in me? As a believer and follower of Christ do I look different to the world? I don't think that being "nice" is good enough to cut it. I don't think I'm a cranky woman or anything... (don't ask my kids some days!) But, sometimes I feel so immersed in the world that I wonder how much of it has "rubbed" off on me. Should I watch that? Should I go there? Should I drink that? Should I be doing that? Should I pursue that? Should I say that? Seeing the story of Daniel unpacked has caused me to really think about these things. While some of those things are "OK" and seem harmless if I don't find some way to be different I will emerge changed by the world.

I have even thought about the small ways I respond to life; how people see me respond in situations that are difficult. Even more practical are the simple things; like how I react when life gets interrupted or how I respond to the slow check-out clerk or the "incompetentcy" that surrounds me:-). Am I too much in the world that it has gobbled me up? Or am I growing and thriving despite the world?

Also, I am really the kind of person that cares WAY TOO MUCH about what people think. I seem to always be worried about making sure no one thinks I am "different". I might as well be saying..."I just want people to like me!!" How shallow! Wow, I sound like one of my Jr. High girls telling me that she just wants to have friends. It's like I think being a Christian in today's world is supposed to go off seemlessly.....Just be a Christian, the world will think that is so very cool! Seeing that visual today reminded me that standing out is just that........showing how you are different. I should expect it to be uncomfortable. As you go through the book of Daniel it is clear that he and his friends indeed experienced some pretty uncomfortable times. (To date, I have yet to be thrown into a firey furnace!) Yet, they emerged strengthend and caused great change among them.

I may just have to print off this picture...put one on the fridge, one on my desk at work to remind me that I am a citizen of Jerusalem living in the City of Babylon.I pray that I can find ways to show this difference and emerge strengthened in my faith.

BFFs 4-evah~

I ended June's Journeys with GUESTS...nah make that "family". The Rogers traveled all the way from sunny California to super HOT MISSOURI and spent 11 days with us. We joked that she spent so much time here she started to make friends. Again BOOOOOOO to me for taking very few pictures!!! Ugh! Everyday I said I NEED TO GET MY CAMERA OUT! Kelly was great to post pics on her FB...so go to her posts from July and you can get a snapshot of what we did. It was SUPER FUN!!!! While Kelly and I have been good about trying to see each other at least every two years, the kids hadn't seen each other for 6 years. It really didn't seem that way at all. We were crammed up in our house (much too hot to spend long periods of time anywhere not with AC) and had a blast. We played games, watched movies and just HUNG OUT~ Fires in the evening and no bedtimes and sleeping in were high on our agendas. We are so very thankful to have had this special time with them. We all have talked about going to see them when they move to Washington. Seriously....why do we keep moving further away from each other?? (or is it more farther... hee hee)

We were restaging a picture from the last time we visited them in CALIFORNIA.




I love this special friend (and her kiddos too) and was so glad she took the time to drive BY HERSELF with FOUR CHILDREN to come and see us. And by the way, she drove STRAIGHT THROUGH on her way home ....28.5 hours! But like we say...once you see a NO VACANCY...make puns and keep driving baby...keep driving!

Love you Kel!