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Life Is Messy

It was a warm October morning and I stood on the cross country field with soggy shoes. It had rained several days before so while the air was warm there was quite a bit of mud and it didn't take long for my feet and shoes to feel the effects. I have a strange affection for cross country meets. I love watching the runners; their endurance inspires me. There is just so much emotion from both the runners and the coaches, parents and spectators cheering on their special runner. I won't lie, I get pretty, how shall I say this, loud! I not only like to cheer on my runner, but I find great responsibility to cheer every runner that comes by. Another thing I like is that there is a secondary race that goes on at one of these meets. The crowd follows the runners and as soon as your runner goes by you migrate to the "next important" spot to cheer all over again. Coaches especially have an incredible system of tracking their runners with stop watches and clipboards to determine what their current mile time is at that very moment. It really is exciting to watch all of the various aspects that emerge at a cross country meet.

 On this particular October day the meet was the last of the season, the district meet. This was the meet where the top winners would advance to state finals. My runner is not usually in the front of the pack so while we weren't looking for one of those top three, spots we always run for what runners call their PR, personal record. So, I've learned to cheer for everyone to PR. This day was no exception. I mentioned before that I rarely hold back when I am cheering on my runner. I actually wonder if it's too much sometimes. There's a fine line between encouragement and embarrassment. That crisp fall morning was no exception. But, before she headed to the start line she looked at me and said, "I need you to make sure you are at two parts of the race." She went on to explain and share the two hardest parts to maintain momentum and basically gave me full permission to yell my head off. Having been on this course now for the third time she knew exactly where the tough parts were and when she would need some cheering on. As the race began I watched her warm up at the starting line and carefully surveyed the course thinking about how I would get to the two spots she had pointed out to me before the race. I waited with great anticipation for the first group of runners to pass knowing she would be following close behind that pack. Names of runners were being shouted all around me along with declared times by the handful of coaches who spread throughout the course. I saw my runner and began yelling my usual, "push hard" "you got this" "do not give up". The moment is fleeting as it only lasts for the brief moment she passes me. But, it fills me with great emotion and passion. As soon as her pack passed I began to head to the next point.

The area she informed me was the " If you only get to one spot, get here!" kind of spot. These races only last 20-25 minutes so you only have so much time to get to each point to see the runners. Timing is everything. I immediately headed over to the important spot and stopped dead in my tracks. What separated me from the area was a four foot ditch, rather deep in nature. At first I couldn't understand WHY I had seen people sprinting in the other direction. I soon realized they were heading towards the route that allowed you to pass on land and not trudge through a ditch. I was not alone. A crowd of people were gathering and had decided to just cheer safely from the other side of the ditch. I surveyed the situation and realized that I had a choice to make.I was either going to cheer safely from a distance or I could brave the ditch and get to where she specifically asked me to be earlier that day. Now remember, it had rained several days before this so there was nothing dry about this ditch. If I chose this route I would have to jump down and climb up the other side. Out of the corner of my eye I saw several young boys head to the ditch without thinking. I threw caution to the wind, and jumped down. I landed without falling (barely) and then studied them pulling up on the branches to get out of the ditch. Now I probably had at least 40 pounds on them but I said a quick prayer and pulled myself out of the ditch with some mud-stained knees as souvenirs. In my decision making I had missed the first pack of 10-15 runners and the field had cleared. Not many people come to cheer on the second pack. Most of the fuss and attention (understandably) is for WHO is going to get the top three spots. I had just a moment to brush my self off when in the distance I saw the bobbing ponytail of my favorite runner. She was at the head of the second pack. Unashamedly I began to yell my head off. Cheering her and telling her to not give up. It gave me a feeling of parental success. I had been somewhere when my kid needed me and followed through.


 My climb back down and up the ditch was slightly uneventful, powered mostly by adrenaline and mom-emotion. In prior months, really since the beginning of that school year, I had really been struggling as a parent; feeling powerless, not having much success, seemingly making mistakes, butting heads. I felt like everything I knew that I was supposed to be doing was thrown back in my face as inadequate. I felt as if being a good parent was just not in my cards.So this feeling of victory and accomplishment was a welcome emotion. I had to sprint to the next spot and as I did the Lord gave me a beautiful word picture. I ran with dirt stained knees and soggy shoes and He quietly spoke to me and said, "You are not failing. You have to realize that life is messy sometimes and you just have to be willing to get down in the ditch. Don't be afraid to get dirty." It was beautiful and it gave me a whole new outlook. As a perfectionist I naturally seek for perfection. If I don't see it I begin to measure my self worth and my success as a complete failure. I was reminded that day that perfect parenting basically does not exist. I just need to continue to be willing to climb down in the ditches when necessary and not be afraid to get dirty. I need to be cheering them on (most importantly) when they are struggling, or not at the head of the pack. I need to be willing to be a support when others have left them behind.


 In recent days the Lord has stirred up this story in my mind. Not in relation to parenting but rather in my relationship with Him. He has gently reminded me He is present in MY MESS! This past year, more than any, I have realized that life is NEVER going to be perfect. Relationships are NEVER going to be perfect. But HE is enough.  He is ever-present in my mess.

Hilarious, Kind, Forgiving, Wise, Brave

These are just a handful of words to describe my dear friend and sister in Christ, Tricia. Not to mention, she has the most infectious laugh. To strangers it might seem like more of a cackle. But to those who knew her well, it was a sign that she was just getting started. It was today that I realized I actually don't really remember NOT knowing her. Our parents were friends so my childhood is filled with memories of being with her: Camp, church, school, VBS, Friday nights at The Fold, and the Jersey shore were just some of the settings where our lives meshed and our relationship grew. Our friendship mostly centered around laughter, being extremely goofy, and just enjoying the simplicity of our small town life. Graduation and college separated our ways somewhat, and with my family moving away from my hometown our visits became few. However, we always seemed to stay connected either through Christmas cards, our parents, or an occasional visit back to my hometown. Then came marriage, kids, and life. While we spent less time with face to face visits we did manage through the invention of social media to continue to keep in touch.

When cancer hit her life I remember distinctly the first time we spoke. I was amazed by her attitude; It was that of a hero. She was determined to fight, and just as determined to turn her suffering into praise. Her tenacity amazed me. Her willingness to live life as an open book encouraged me. She never stopped living. Ever. About 6 years ago our family moved to the Midwest and our yearly visits to the east coast allowed me the opportunity to squeeze in lunch dates each time I visited. I always left encouraged by her presence. We would exchange stories of our children, parenting struggles, and always... ALWAYS would turn our conversation to the goodness of our Lord and Savior. You'd never feel judged in her presence. She had an uncanny way of speaking truth while demonstrating the gift of both grace and mercy. I remember one time at a Cracker Barrel as we caught up on each other's lives and talked about how God was working in our individual families; she stopped me mid-conversation and touched my hand and with teary eyes said, "I just love how GOOD GOD IS... He is so GOOD to us" I feel so fortunate over the past three years to have been able to meet with her each time I visited. Being joined by our dear friend, Sarah, allowed us all three of us to share our hearts and connect as only sisters in Christ can connect. Of course, we did spend some of our time reminiscing about our childhood days and how it seemed that time was speeding up rapidly. Those lunches and times together always left me feeling so grateful to have these special friendships in my life. These past few visits, it was her spirit of thankfulness that seemed to resonate even louder to me. Physical infirmities plagued her body, yet His praises flowed quickly and easily from her lips.

This past weekend I received the news that her physical condition drastically (and what seemed like suddenly)worsened. It seems that her brave and amazing fight was coming to an end. Sunday morning, I left for church with an extremely heavy heart; waffling between being sad and being angry. The song we entered into worship with proclaimed these words, "I will enter His gates with Thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise. I will say this is the day that the Lord has made I WILL rejoice for He has made me GLAD!" The Lord gave me the most beautiful picture. Tricia was singing this song with a restored body and that iconic smile that always seems to adorn her sweet face. It was a beautiful image. God's peace flooded my soul. I don't want her to go, yet this image reminded me of the victory she will have in Jesus, and the restoration she will experience once she meets our Savior. When we meet again, I know she will greet me in the very same way she has over my lifetime; With her happy laugh, a heart that is turned towards our heavenly father and lips that speak of His unending praise.

Her life has made a difference. I am a better person because she was my friend.

Hilarious, Kind, Forgiving, Wise, Brave,

These are just a few words that describe my dear friend and sister in Christ, Tricia.

From the Mouth of Babes

Have you ever just had your kids say or do something that just cuts right deep to your soul? I have said since this child's conception, her purpose in my life is to be a vessel of messages, lessons, rebukes, challenges and encouragements from God. So often He speaks to me through her and this morning was no exception. I have been trying to get in the habit of praying before my feet hit the floor each morning. I have really enjoyed the slower pace of my summer schedule because it has allowed me to do this more regularly. I love not being rushed in the mornings. Lately I have really been struggling with some areas of my life. I have been fighting discouragement and finding myself losing hope for anything positive to emerge with the things I have been praying about. This morning I came to the Lord with a defeated spirit and with just shreds of hope. I asked. I pleaded. I begged for Him to please give me some kind of guidance to know what to do, say, act. ANYTHING! I actually prayed, "I am going to need you to shout it to me, Lord, because I have given up!"

I mentioned that I have enjoyed my leisurely mornings... OK well let me change that to I LOVE MY LEISURELY mornings. Ellie and I, being solo most days, have gotten into a wonderful routine of getting up, eating breakfast, and playing cards! I absolutely love it. This morning as we were playing she had a song in her head. No, she had three lines of a song in her head that kept escaping from her lips as we played each round of our game. She was singing it in a variety of tempos and a variety of voices. Anyone who knows Ellie knows that it was quite dramatic. Well she was closing one of her "singings" with the LOUD operatic version. I was about to ask her to at least lower her volume when it hit me. What she was singing over and over again... her last LOUD version... made me stop dead in my tracks. It was my answer. It was God, once again, pouring Himself through my little 11 year old vessel.

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord. Our God you reign forever Our Hope Our Strong Deliverer"

It was my answer and I will stick to it. Of course, it took me seven rounds of Phase10 to pick up on it. But that's OK because by then the lines were in my mind and I too have been singing it to myself all morning! #hcc4jesus

Books I Could Have Written.... But Didn't

Something that many may not know about me is that I have a deep down desire, a bucket list item you might say, to author a book.... some day. I don't even have a specific kind of book in mind; I just love to write. So while I haven't made the time (yet) I have decided that if I HAD written a book about this past year, it may have been one of titles below.

2014 list of Books I Could Have Written...But Didn't (and their subtitles)

1. "There's An Oil For That You Know"

Finding real solutions for rheumatoid arthritis, allergies, and more.

2. "Making Your Child Mind Without Losing Yours"

Realizing everything I thought I knew,I didn't; and other revelations of incredible proportions

3. "Pushing on a Pull Door"

Lessons God teaches me over and over and over (and over..) Will I ever learn?

4. "Unemployment Stinks"

Stretching dollars,growing my faith... One.Day.At.A.Time

5. "8 Miles Of Prayer and Praise and Problem Solving"

My daily time on Highway 2 and back home again ... then back down Highway 2... and... Well, you get the picture

6. "Letting Go But Still Holding On"

Preparing your first to fly the nest

7. "My Three Girls"

Enjoying the journey, embracing the moments, loving this time

8. "Blessed Beyond Measure"

Loving what you do and the people who make it that way

9. "Someone Stop The Ride; I Want To Get Off"

My incessant quest to find balance at home, work and life

10. "He Loves Me Still"

Twenty years and he loves me still

While you may not ever see these titles on a book stand near you or at your local Barnes and Noble they do sum up my year. God has been good, my life has been blessed, and I look forward to seeing what books I (might) write in 2015.

Persevering In Praise

"Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever." Psalm 145:2

I drove to meet an old friend for lunch today and found myself thinking, praying, asking and seeking how I could work on living out this verse, particularly the EVERYDAY part. It takes little effort for me, and praise seems to flow quickly from my lips in the good times;when it is easy. I am quick to acknowledge His work when He brings all things together and life seems "good". But this verse tells me that it is also very important for me to praise him when it is difficult. To praise Him when I don't know what is going on. To praise Him when it seems like things will just not work out. To praise Him because that is what I am to do..... for ever and ever! There is a song by Matt Redman that says:

"Every step we are breathing in Your grace Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise."

It wasn't that I was questioning the Lord in unbelief today as I was praying. But I asked Him to help me to breath out His praise NOW when I am unsure, anxious and uncertain about my future... and to do it everyday! As I prayed He visibly brought to my mind, like a movie trailer, just how faithful He has been to me. With each event of my life that the Lord conjured up into my thoughts I was reminded of His presence every time and He spoke softly to me and said.... "That was Me!" I was overwhelmed and a peace invaded my car. I was able to reflect as these scenes passed through my mind and it reminded me that I DO have reason to praise His name for ever and ever.... everyday! He has never taken me anywhere without purpose or reason. I am confident as I focus on giving praise... EVERYDAY that I will continue to see His work in my life. He is so faithful to care for us like none other, to love us unconditionally, and to never leave us to ourselves. As I grow in my love for Him I want to also grow in praising and extolling His name for ever and ever. As my friend and I had lunch together I was encouraged and we were recounting God's goodness in both of our lives. At one point with tears she enthusiastically said... "I just love how God works!" Indeed.

Nutty Buddies, Blessings and A Lesson on Contentment

I think the older I get the more nostalic I become. I was thinking recently of a special memory that I had of my grandmother, Claire Solberg, who we affectionately referred to as Nana Solberg. She would come to our house for extended stays twice a year. Once was always around Christmas and then she would return again during the summer. I always looked forward to her coming to our house because, looking back, I realize this was the only time that I really got to see her. Well ok, I also looked forward to her coming because I always had to give up my room when she came. Which in the end was a sweet deal for me because (unknown to my brothers) she paid me everytime she came for, as she would put it, "letting her use my boudoir"- which she taught me was a fancy word for bedroom! She always made me feel like the giving up of my bedroom was such a sacrifice and that it was only proper for her to pay me. Of course, it was always some outrageous amount too.

Another special memory with my Nana was that whenever she was with us around Christmas she always came to our school concerts and then treated us to ice-cream on the way home. Of course we had to go to the local creamery for the very best made onsite ice-cream around. However,I didn't look forward to the fresh churned homemade ice-cream. No, I looked forward to being able to get a Nutty Buddy from the freezer that contained the frozen ice-cream novelties - like you can get from an ice-cream truck. Crazy, but it was a highlight for me. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that after every concert we would head to the ice cream place in town, and that I was going to be able to get a nutty buddy from the freezer that sat right inside the door of the ice cream shop. Recently I was thinking about the predictability of that Nutty Buddy and how much I loved going there after each concert or school function. It was something I anticipated, looked forward to, could count on. I really do not remember a concert that Nana Solberg went to with us that was not followed by this very routine.

It is so easy for me to wish for simpler days. It is even easier for me to wish that everything would be carefree, safe, and well.... predictable. If I dwell on that I become discontent when things seem anything but carefree, safe.... or predictable. It is then that I find myself trying to convince my heart that I want my life to be easier to figure out, I want my life to be like going to the ice-cream store with my Nana.... the Nutty Buddy is always there!

I was kind of spiraling down that road last week, not wanting a Nutty Buddy:), but I was allowing myself to be so frustrated with life's current circumstances. I was allowing discontentment to brew inspite of the promises that I have already been given. Promises that far outweigh simple problem-free days or a life of predictability. These promises bring true contentment to last through all of my days... whether they are predictable or not! I could try to list them all but I most surely would fail, there are so many. In Ephesians 1:3 Paul tells us that God has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ".

It doesn't say some of the spiritual blessings,or a few of them but rather EVERY single one of them. I have access to the heavenly father who will meet every single need I have. Such a simple lesson, and yet it seems to be one I must learn over and over again. I don't need to long to be problem free or have my days filled with predictability. My heavenly father is capable of meeting my every need and He allows me to see it is not an easy life that I should desire because those just bring temporary satisfaction. But rather contentment in my life is what I should seek. That can only come through my relationship with Jesus Christ. It will never come from the events or people in my life. It can only come from Him. His work in my life creates the contentment I need.

Ephesians 3:20 "Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes"

...and yet I am the one who's changed.

One of the many things I considered to be a part of God's plan for moving me the "whole way out to Missouri" was the possibility of reconnecting with and restoring a relationship with my estranged brother. The last time we had spoken was in 2005 and to say that we parted on bad terms would be putting it lightly. But I was sure that somehow being 8 hours closer to him would afford me the opportunity to at least re-establish contact. At first I mostly just prayed about it. But weeks turned into months and months into a couple of years and I remember thinking (after hearing that he wasn't doing too great) that maybe Eric and I could possibly help him in some way. Of course praying that seemed cuh-razy! How would I be able to do anything? What, did God want me to high-tail it up to the city and bring him back with me? But none the less, I believe a seed was planted as I prayed, ""Lord if you want him to come here, make a way!" There have been times over the last year where the Lord has brought my brother to my mind. He has directly made me think of him, had my kids ask about him, had someone preach about our "lost" brothers and sisters, etc. On a Thanksgiving in 2011 I remember specifically sharing with my church family of my burden that I had for my brother and that I knew that God would provide a way for me to reconnect and that somehow he would see his need for the Lord. Again, weeks turned into months and months into a year and once again hearing about my brother's deep peril I inadvertantly shot him a text. Now, I will tell you, I had up until this time attempted on many occassions to contact him, but never heard anything back from him. So, I really didn't expect anything but followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit to text him. Within minutes my phone rang, not because he was wanting to "talk to me" but because he didn't know who the text was from. It was a great way, however, to break the ice and catch up on our lives. I soon found out that indeed he was experiencing great peril and it was a time of crisis. About a month after this conversation our church encouraged members to select something to place on a prayer card that we would commit to praying for along with the prayer team at church. We all agreed that we would place my brother's name on the card. Over the next three months the contact I had with my brother increased. We texted and talked on the phone quite often. He told me that he had a "job" in Missouri and thought that he would try and come see us or maybe we could come see him. His job ended up being about 5 hours from where we lived so we began planning a weekend trip to go and see him. As the time grew nearer and our conversations increased it was clear to me that this "job" he had was just a temporary thing and that when it was done (2 weeks) he really didn't know what he was going to do and he asked if he could just come see us. My anxiety level increased. My plan... you know the one I so carefully and quickly had calculated in my mind of how things would work out... just crumbled before my eyes. He texted me on a Monday evening to let me know he would be coming that Friday. I was paralyzed with many different emotions. I really felt like I was in over my head. I remembered that cuh-razy prayer I prayed three years ago...."If you want him to come here, provide a way!" What was I thinking! I couldn't sleep so I sat in my living room and began to pray. I gave my anxiety over to the Lord and asked him to please, please, please tell me what I was supposed to do. Suddenly, my phone alert went off. I looked at my phone and saw that my daily verse had come through. Here is what it said: "He who loves his brother remains in the light." I John 2:10. Of course my fears melted away and I knew this was what I was to do; Not judge, Not criticize, Not vent, Not accuse.... BUT JUST LOVE! Who knew that God actually texted! I had no idea that this time of loving my brohter would last for 9 weeks. But as the Lord orchestrated each and every detail it amazed me at how omniscient and powerful God really is as His plan unfolds. Of course I already knew all of this, but I will say that this experience has deepened my understanding of the character and awesomeoness of God. My attempt here to capture all of the ways God worked most likely will not do Him justice but I will try. I was first humbled by the reaction of my children to their uncle. LOVE oozed from their very being. No judging, no questions, nothing but genuine LOVE! It challenged my walk with the Lord as I saw their concern for the salvation of this family member and had NO RESERVATIONS about our decision for him to be with us. As the days turned into weeks I knew that there would have to be serious conversations about what he was going to do next. I was amazed at how the timing and the calmness that pervaded my spirit each time these conversations occurred. Some were heated, but were always productive. The prayers of my youngest each night as we prayed around the table always included that "everyone would come to know You, Lord." and you would invariably see her stare at her uncle as she uttered these prayers. His visit changed our family in ways that words can not express. Many know the testimony of my husband and how the Lord brought him from a very reckless lifestyle. The Lord used his testimony in so many powerful ways. He spent many nights talking with my brother and giving of his time and was so very patient. He included him in various projects around the house, etc. He was every bit of what you would hope your husband would be when your brother comes to live with you for what seems an indefinate period of time. He went out of his way to accomodate and make my brother feel welcome and accepted. I was blessed by his testimony of LOVE. With each week that passed I saw that the Lord was softening my brother. He seemed less defensive and actually open to looking at his own life and decisions he has made. One of his regrets was "missing out" on family things. During his stay here he was able to witness 3 concerts,an art show, a play, 6 volleyball practices and 6 volleyball games, 5 softball games, and even an 8th grade graduation. I was so grateful for our active schedule that allowed him to see the girls perform, play and compete. He was their biggest fan! After one night of a very exhausting conversation I laid in bed and talked with Eric about needing to find some place for him to go. We prayed specifically that "we could find out about a place like Teen Challenge". It is really the only kind of rehab place I knew about. I went to work the next morning and in casual conversation a lady that I work with started to tell me that in a few days she was going to a graduation at TEEN CHALLENGE. She was wondering if I had ever heard of it. Well, of course I almost started crying as she talked because I knew that this was a direct answer. While her husband secured an application for me it ended up being a place for younger individuals but this encounter led to a discussion with my brother about whether or not he would be interested in going to a place like this, if it accomodated someone his age. He was so open to it instead of going to bed I spent the next three hours combing the internet looking for some place that we could afford and that seemed like a good fit. We narrowed it down to three and as we talked to him it seemed like "Heartland's Men Recovery" in LaBelle, Missouri was a perfect opportunity to shed some things in his life. At first we thought that the process would be quick, fast and simple. Not that it was hard, but it didn't go as quickly as "my plans" suggested. (Are you catching on that every time I had a plan it didn't work.... then God's plan did.. Yeah.. me too!) However, months prior to my brother's arrival my mom had purchased plane tickets to come out to see us. As you guessed it, she arrived just in time to be here before he left. We both had the opportunity to take him to the recovery center, see where he will be, and most importantly pray for him before we left. That moment was extremely emotional as I sensed his thankfulness and brokeness like never before. The nine weeks melted away and I knew this was the answer to my prayer three years ago, "Lord if you want him to come here, make a way!" I do not want to lead you to believe that this whole process was rosy and perfect. There were plenty of times I wanted to scream, pull my hair out, judge, criticize and then I was reminded of that verse and was prompted to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! I still can't believe it all happened. I know there will stil be more to the story. The program he entered is 18 months so only time will tell. But I rest assured and with the hope that can only be found in Christ that God's got it all under control. I took my brother to rehab, and yet I'm the one who's changed... sounds like a God thing to me!

A God Moment .... in a nutshell!

Today I had a God moment and seriously if I could I would try and explain it in a nutshell. It was so powerful it may end up being more like a handfull of nuts... but alas.... I will try. For about the last 2 months my life has been incredibly busy and full of transitions and challenges. This post is not going to outline all of those but just suffice it to say that I was struggling with a bit of anxiety. I attributed it mostly to the transition of selling our home, and moving into our cozy little town home. But recently I knew it was more than just another move. It just seemed like I was spinning my wheels, burning the wick at both ends, and sleep seemed to be evading me at every corner. My joint pain from RA seemed to magnify as each day progressed. When the school year began all of it seemed to just intensify as I added to my life more demands to my schedule. So, that brings me to my God moment that happened today. For the last few days my heart had been weary. I was allowing myself to be consumed. My days seemed to go from sun up to way past sun down. Well, my daughter was going to be playing with the worship team for one song this morning which meant I needed to be at the church at 7:00 AM. Usually Sunday is my day to sleep in because church does not begin until 9:30. So, getting up this morning was a real struggle. But, I had to do it. I had been encouraging her to do this so I had to back up my words and drive her to practice. I got up at 5:45 and was ready with plenty of time to spare. So as I sat on the couch waiting for my girls to get ready and I began to pray. It was the beginning of my God moment. I actually contemplated bringing some papers to grade while my daughter practiced. After all I was going to have a whole HOUR with NOTHING to do!. But I was prompted, as I sat there on the couch, to just go, read my bible and listen to the worship team practice. I sat there in silence and uttered a sincere prayer. "Lord, show me what I need to do. I can't stand to be this way. Is there some action I need to take, something I need to release, something I need to change... please show me." We drove to church and I sat in the back pew and opened my bible to Psalm 9 while I listened to them sing. The first part of that chapter spoke to me directly. "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High." It quickly hit me that the first answer to my prayer was to give thanks. I sat there thanking the Lord for whatever I could think of at that moment and decided that maybe I just needed to be more thankful. It seemed kind of simple and to be honest... "the same old.. same old" I agreed to the Lord that I am sure everyone could be more thankful. I then closed my bible... well actually signed out of it on my kindle... and began to listen to the worship songs and just sang my heart out right there in the back row of the sanctuary. Interestingly, as they practiced their worship set the worship leader interjected a reading from....that's right....Psalm 9! As I sang, I will admit, my spirits were lifted but still in the back of my mind was the burden of "all that I still had to do today and in the next few weeks" and I was experiencing the heaviness of burdens that I was carrying of friends and family who need the Lord or are facing great struggles and tragedy in their lives. Our church has two services and so because my daughter was playing for the first time I had planned to go to first service and then stay for the worship in the second service. Enter the moment where the God moment seemed to just take over. Now remember, I had already sung all the songs several times as the worship team practiced so it is not like I didn't know what we were about to sing. But as we began to sing I heard the voice inside my heart. Are you ready for the answer to your question? Because, here it comes! Over the course of the next 20 minutes the Holy Spirit used the words and music of the songs to gently give me the answer to my prayer uttered earlier that morning. What was I supposed to do? The first answer was what He tried to tell me earlier. It was to just be thankful in a deeper sense and try to Bless and Praise the Lord in all things. The line that said...."For all your goodness I will keep on singing... Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find." made me realize that that was the same message from the verse I had just read. And of course, the worship leader read again from Psalm 9! Ok, Ok, I get it I need to be thankful! But how is that going to help me, Lord. just change my attitude and it becomes fine? I realized that I was to listen more because the Lord had some more to say. We began singing more and it seemed like... no it actually was that every line of every song seemed to remind me that the Lord was in control and that He was the creator and maker of the earth and that what I needed to do was acknowledge that. It seemed so very simple, yet it was so very powerful. The last song we sang was an old hymn, Near to the Heart of God. There is a place of quiet rest, Near to the heart of God. A place where sin cannot molest, Near to the heart of God. Refrain O Jesus, blest Redeemer, Sent from the heart of God, Hold us who wait before Thee Near to the heart of God. There is a place of comfort sweet, Near to the heart of God. A place where we our Savior meet, Near to the heart of God. Refrain There is a place of full release, Near to the heart of God. A place where all is joy and peace, Near to the heart of God. As I sang this I got the exact answer that the Lord was preparing me for the entire time of worship. What was I to do? DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD It wasn't really what I was expecting. I really was expecting some kind of direction that I was to take or something I was to tangibly do. But the Lord softly spoke to my heart and said, I've got all you need, draw near to me. Ok, so you would think that the moment would stop right there. But no... I still had the worship time during the second service! We went through the same songs but this time I sang them not with a heavy heart, but a heart of rejoicing and release. As we came to the last song we were on the last verse and our worship leader, Noel shared that he and his wife talked about how this hymn is often sung at funerals but he (and this is where the GOD MOMENT EXPLODED) said (and I paraphrase) "you know we don't have to be in heaven to be close to the Lord. We can do it right here, right now. What is it that you need? What have you asked the Lord for today? Draw near to Him and your life will have the joy and peace; you find what you need." At that moment I realized that the Lord had fully answered my prayer and that was my answer to "What am I supposed to do?" DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD How simple, but so beautiful. It was like the Lord said... now I have been trying to tell you this each of the three times you've sang these songs... but did you hear what Noel said? That is what you need to do... just DRAW NEAR TO THE HEART OF GOD Got it? Are we good now? I love you and I've got all the rest taken care of!

On the other side of empty......

While it is hard for me to admit it, I found myself in a precarious situation. I had made my third trip into town that day and each time intended on completing a certain errand. Each trip came with distractions and thus the errand was rendered undone. I realize I can't be too hard on myself for forgetting a simple errand. However, when the errand is getting gas...yeah it is kind of important.

I sat first in line at a red light at a busy intersection 100 feet from the Quick Trip, finally intending to complete this mundane task when my van sputtered and then stopped just as the light turned green. There I sat with the answer to my dilemma right in front of me. But, I couldn't do a thing about it. I was in the front of the line with cars behind me wondering why I was still sitting there at a green light. As I turned on my hazard lights I began to wonder what it was exactly that I was going to do to fix this precarious situation. Not only would I need to have some help, but I was not going to be able to do it without the gawking eyes of others.

I made the painful decision to call my husband and explain my situation. I call it a painful decision because this is not the first time I have had to call him for this very reason. Yes, over the past few months I have actually (please don't judge me) run out of gas at least 3 or 4 times. Each of the other times I have had a pretty good "excuse" (yeah right) but this time was different. I had been in town THREE times that day and just "forgot" to get gas. How do you forget to get gas? Seriously? Well, by the time I was just about finished processing this I look back to see a policeman running my plates, lights a blaring,and making this experience something that what seemed like all of Harrisonville could now enjoy. As the officer approached my vehicle I sheepishly rolled down my window and squeaked out, "I'm out of gas!"

I went on to explain that my husband was enroute and he agreed that the best thing was just to wait. Now, up until this time it was just strangers who passed me, stared at me, and drove on. Now that the situation was "under control" I looked over to my right at the traffic that was about to turn down and go right by me. You guessed it, it was someone I knew. While I wanted to shrink down and hide, I pasted on a grin and gave a thumbs up to let them know they did not need to put their life in jeopardy by trying to help me in what was now a clogged intersection because "some woman's van was for some reason stalled at an intersection." As the cars from that lane continued to drive by me I counted 4 or 5 people that I knew...mortifying!

Of course it seemed like ages before I saw my husband's truck pull up close to us. With gas can in hand he weaved his way to our van and without any words of harassment or criticism, he added enough gas to get across the street to the Quick Trip (where I had intended to fill up each time I came to town that day).

I am glad to report that the tank is full and I plan to work a little bit harder to keep an eye on the needle! But, of course while waiting I heard a still small voice remind me of other things that I am trying to run on empty! This whole scenario was a reminder of my need to take time for renewal and refreshment not just when my tank is empty, but every day. Our church is going through a 6 week study that emphasizes getting into God's Word and the importance of being in daily communion and fellowship with God to avoid being caught in life's busy intersections on empty. The last time Eric came to my rescue I was just a few miles down the road and the situation unfolded without the entire population of Harrisonville looking on. At that moment I was gently reminded that when I neglect my time with the Lord and don't seek to "fill my tank" I can find myself caught in some sticky situations unprepared, sitting with the world watching, with all that I need in sight, but unable to tap into any resources because I am sitting on empty.

This week we have had our Spring Break, so I have been refreshed and renewed in many ways. I have been refreshed physically with some extra sleep, my house has been renewed with 5 bags to Good Will, and my times of devotion and just being QUIET have also been renewed. So, with this small escapade behind me, I am thankful (in more ways than one) to be sitting on the “other side of empty”. It blesses me oh so very much!

Miriam, the woman with no middle name.

Our hearts have recently mourned the loss of Eric's Mom affectionately known to all as Mim. Our family will miss the weekly visits and cherish the memories we made with this most special woman. As I have been pondering and reminicising about her life I have been thinking about an unusual fact that many may not know. Miriam Yoder was the woman with NO middle name.

I remember the evening when I found out that she had no middle name. I spent a great deal of time trying to convince her that certainly she had to have a middle name. It just seemed unusual, almost not fair. I have decided that, in her honor, I shall bestow to her some most fitting middle names.

Miriam "The Mother" Yoder: It didn't take anyone very much time to determine that this woman LOVED LOVED LOVED her boys. I don't think I can ever remember ONCE a negative word uttered from her mouth about these guys. Each one of them had captured her heart in a special way and she rejoiced in their triumphs and gladly bore their sorrows.

Miriam "The Cook" Yoder: While in her last decade she was not able to display her culinary wonders it is widely known that this woman could put on a spread. I remember enjoying some fabulous Sunday dinners. As I look through her old cookbook it is plain to see that cooking was certainly a passion. She always made her food look so beautiful and when you dined with her it wasn't a rushed event. A meal was something to be shared, relished, and enjoyed.

Miriam "The Grandma" Yoder: If you think Mim loved her boys you should have seen/heard her talk about her grandkids. This was one proud Grandma. She was never rushed, always willing to listen, or have an on the spot tea party. She would sit with enduring patience as my girls would "do" her hair and make-up or paint her nails. She was their biggest cheerleader. With each, "Hey Grandma, look at this..." she watched with the raptured attention and made it seem like each performance was Broadway worthy.

Miriam "The Compassionate" Yoder: Mom, Mim, Grandma Mim.... however you knew her; you were aware of her compassion and love of people. She was the kind of person who cheered for the underdog and helped the hurting. Her first response when seeing a need was to figure out WHAT she could do to help. She prayed diligently for those she loved and carried the burdens for so many. It was her delight to help without expecting in return.

Miriam "The Strong One" Yoder: It is no mystery that her life had some bumps along the way. Whenever she would reference these setbacks it was usually couched with a promise of God and a reminder of that despite her circumstances she stood on the grounds that God was indeed still in control. Some of these setbacks seemed to be harder than others but her resolve to trust would emerge and, though heavy hearted, she would still offer up praise to her Creator and Sustainer.

Miriam "The Prayer" Yoder: Mim prayed for so many, many people. Most significantly I know the prayers she offered on behalf of her wayward son have forever changed my life. I am grateful that she never gave up on Eric. A few years ago I found a letter that she wrote to Eric. It reiterated what I already knew; She prayed without ceasing.

Miriam "The Sister" Yoder: It was always a JOY to see Miriam around her sisters. Intense joy filled the room when they were together and laughter was never far from their lips. Sometimes it would be laughter over a story shared or a memory cherished. And sometimes it was just laughter because they loved to laugh. Being in the presence of her sisters brought Mim great comfort.

As time passed in Mim's life her health declined and some of her traits and characteristics began to change somewhat. She still loved a good laugh and her eyes lit up with joy at the presence of family. However, over time, it was difficult for her to let go of some of her independence. At times it was a challenge for us to see her slowly fade. But it is through these years that emerged a new phase for us and an opportunity that allowed us to LOVE her back.To love her the way she loved us, without expecting anything in return.

Miriam "The Loved" Yoder: Gathering around her hospital bed last week it was obvious that this woman was loved. Her life was one of unconditional love and it was a blessing to hear her communicate she was ready to go home. Peace fills our hearts as we ponder that she is finally released to no more pain or sorrow and her life has been renewed. She loved so very much to listen to and sing praise and worship music. I can only imagine how wonderful and content her smile must be as she sits and worships at the feet of her Lord and Savior.

I feel this song expresses how she must feel.( I tried to make it a link, but it wasn't working)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEfHSXZJX_E



You are loved dear Miriam, the woman without a middle name; the mother, the sister, the Grandma.....my friend.

Celebrating Our Ju-Ju Bear!

Ju-Ju Bear, JuCY Box, JU-G! We love our Julia Claire Yoder! I still can't believe that I am embarking on a week where I will begin to say that Julia is 13!
Saying where does the time go seems so trite. But seriously, WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? It seems like just yesterday she was convincing me that she did not want to grow up, and I was convincing her that she would indeed survive Kindergarten. Wow, those were 12 trying weeks of tears every morning. But I look at her now, amazed at how she has overcome her bent towards being shy and has (seemingly overnight) emerged into a beautiful, young lady. I am so proud of my teen and so thankful that I get to be her Mom. I don't ever want to imply that our lives are perfect. Believe me, we have our share of struggles and "growing pains". But, I am so THANKFUL that I can honestly say I enjoy my teenager! I am proud of her and so thankful for her unique gifts and talents!

We had a great night with 5 families joining us to celebrate Julia. We started this tradition with our girls when Kathryn turned 13. We came together with the intent of showering Julia with encouragement and affirmation as she enters this exciting time of her life. We spent the evening reminding her of, not only our love and committment to her, but of God's promises and plan for her life. Eric and I sang "I Bless You!' and even had some great guitar accompaniment as well....thanks Noel!

Each family brought words of encouragment that were shared. We were also excited to have had some family and East Coast friends send some special words (and video) as well. It was a great time of (as someone this evening put it) reminding Julia of "who she is as well as WHOSE she is!"

TOP TEN THINGS I APPRECIATE ABOUT MY JULIA!

...not in any particular order..

1) There is never a dull moment when Julia is around. She is the funny one of the family with a quick wit and timing that is impeccable.

2) CREATIVE with a capital C! This girl can create and invent the greatest skits, dance routines, correography, poems, etc. Her recent rendition of "Christmas Is Coming!" had us ALL in stitches and I was laughing so hard I was crying. She is always taking time to include her younger sister in her "shows" as well. I think her creativity is one of her greatest strengths.

3) She is a servant. Her willingness to help and ability to see when help is needed makes her wise beyond her years. Her sensitivity to others has been evident to me since she was a young child. She always seemed to be able to perceive what someone was feeling, thinking, or needing.

4) She is generous. I love to watch her as she sees a need. She immediately seeks ways to meet it. Her commitment to tithing and giving back to the Lord convicts me, encourages me, and humbles me. It is always the first question she asks when she gets money "How much should I tithe?" I have seen the Lord bless her because of this.

5) Julia is a hard worker. I actually was going to type PERFECTIONIST. But I know she gets that honestly. I see her diligence come through in so many different ways....school, sports, ....really anything! She is not one to slack, but rather embraces the respsonsibility life brings her way.

6) Julia is growing in her faith. I am delighted with the conversations we have about spiritual things, so thankful for her sincere desire to honor the Lord, and am grateful for the priority she places in her pursuing her relationship with the Lord.

7) Over the past 3 to 5 years there have been times when our family has faced some uncertainties. I have always been so amazed at how Julia has trusted us (without question) and seemed so willing to "go without" or "sacrifice" without complaining. She has a common sense about her of what is truly important, what matters, and of what lasts. It is refreshing.

8) She is my cleaner and organizer. Can I just say it is AWESOME to not have to go behind this girl and check to see if something is done "right".I can always count on her!

9) She is perceptive. She has a keen sense to know the intentions and needs of others. Being in a Junior High setting, she comes across many situations where she sees someone who has been mistreated or others who act in duplicity. It AMAZES me how perceptive she is in regards to this. I am so thankful for her desire to stay out of the DRAMA!

10) One of the things I am most proud of is how Julia has grown in the area of accepting change. My most favorite quote of Julia as we prepared to move is "I hate change. Why do we need change? If you want change so bad...go rearrange the living room. Don't try and change how my life is" It is true that JULIA NEVER liked change...even little changes bothered her. But I have seen her really grow in this area and have been so proud of her.


Julia, I love you more each day and am so thankful to be called your Mom. I love you bunches and am so thankful that you are in our family. I can't wait to celebrate your life this week.

Love you,
Mom

The Crossroads between Perfectionism, Reality, and My Life!

The alarm seems to blare at 5:00AM each morning reminding me that I need to get my body out of bed, make sure my oldest is getting up and try to focus on what needs to be done. While there is much to do it is hard to focus. My mind quickly travels to the dishes in my sink that most likely were left unattended and the laundry that still waits on that black living room recliner longing to be folded and put away, the lunches that have not gotten packed,a bathroom that screams to be cleaned,and the questions of how am I going to get that stack of essays graded by 3rd period today? Joining them are the never ending list of things that I can't seem to ever get to on a regular basis. Listing them would be too much for my pride. It's enough that you know my sink is dirty a majority of the time and my laundry seems endless. These thoughts plague my mind as I decide if I should continue to stay safe under the covers of my bed or just get up and do something that might rid my mind of these taunting and undone tasks. It seems like perfectionism and reality collide each morning as soon as my alarm blares its obnoxious ring. How can I manage? Why can't I get it all done? Why does this feeling of overwhelmed never seem to leave? That's where reality creeps in and speaks. I am only one person, I only have 24 hours, I only can do so much. But those excuses seem so pitiful to me, and well, like EXCUSES! Ugh! Why can't it all just fit together and work seemlessly like it usually does when I plan it all out in my head! This is a battle I fight everyday before my feet even hit the floor. It's really not a great way to start the day...already defeated. I have purposefully tried to begin it with thanksgiving and praise, but these things still seem to loom in my thoughts. It's hard to just shake it off and as my Dad would say....Do the NEXT THING!(his motto for getting it done!)

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17"

I was reminded and encouraged recently by this small verse in Colossians. Holding on to this promise is encouraging. It's good to know He can take on this daily battle and actually hold it all together and help me in the process find some sort of balance in it all.

'Standing out' in Babylon

I saw a cornstalk this morning sticking straight out of a field of soybeans. The picture is not all that great, but if you look real close you may be able to see it. It has been growing there, thriving admist the soybeans. There have been other stalks that have tried to emerge but have ended up dying off being choked out by the soybeans. I was amazed that out of the entire field of soybeans this stalk of corn has survived and emerged despite its surroundings. It brought to mind the things that have been processing through my mind recently as I have been challenged to consider what I am doing as a Christian that makes me "stand out" from the world. Before I go any further I will let you know that most of these thoughts have been spurred on by listening to a series on Daniel that my brother is currently doing. Here's the link: well worth the listen~ (or you can download the "text" of the sermon and READ IT TOO!
http://wethefc.com/sermons.php

The sermons go through the story of Daniel and remind us of how he was a citizen of Jerusalem and was thrust into Babylon...the direct antithesis of Jerusalem. The key thing that keeps running through my mind is the question, "As a citizen of Jerusalem,what am I doing that sets me apart from the citizens of Babylon?" In other words......What am I actively, purposefully doing so that people see a difference in me? As a believer and follower of Christ do I look different to the world? I don't think that being "nice" is good enough to cut it. I don't think I'm a cranky woman or anything... (don't ask my kids some days!) But, sometimes I feel so immersed in the world that I wonder how much of it has "rubbed" off on me. Should I watch that? Should I go there? Should I drink that? Should I be doing that? Should I pursue that? Should I say that? Seeing the story of Daniel unpacked has caused me to really think about these things. While some of those things are "OK" and seem harmless if I don't find some way to be different I will emerge changed by the world.

I have even thought about the small ways I respond to life; how people see me respond in situations that are difficult. Even more practical are the simple things; like how I react when life gets interrupted or how I respond to the slow check-out clerk or the "incompetentcy" that surrounds me:-). Am I too much in the world that it has gobbled me up? Or am I growing and thriving despite the world?

Also, I am really the kind of person that cares WAY TOO MUCH about what people think. I seem to always be worried about making sure no one thinks I am "different". I might as well be saying..."I just want people to like me!!" How shallow! Wow, I sound like one of my Jr. High girls telling me that she just wants to have friends. It's like I think being a Christian in today's world is supposed to go off seemlessly.....Just be a Christian, the world will think that is so very cool! Seeing that visual today reminded me that standing out is just that........showing how you are different. I should expect it to be uncomfortable. As you go through the book of Daniel it is clear that he and his friends indeed experienced some pretty uncomfortable times. (To date, I have yet to be thrown into a firey furnace!) Yet, they emerged strengthend and caused great change among them.

I may just have to print off this picture...put one on the fridge, one on my desk at work to remind me that I am a citizen of Jerusalem living in the City of Babylon.I pray that I can find ways to show this difference and emerge strengthened in my faith.

BFFs 4-evah~

I ended June's Journeys with GUESTS...nah make that "family". The Rogers traveled all the way from sunny California to super HOT MISSOURI and spent 11 days with us. We joked that she spent so much time here she started to make friends. Again BOOOOOOO to me for taking very few pictures!!! Ugh! Everyday I said I NEED TO GET MY CAMERA OUT! Kelly was great to post pics on her FB...so go to her posts from July and you can get a snapshot of what we did. It was SUPER FUN!!!! While Kelly and I have been good about trying to see each other at least every two years, the kids hadn't seen each other for 6 years. It really didn't seem that way at all. We were crammed up in our house (much too hot to spend long periods of time anywhere not with AC) and had a blast. We played games, watched movies and just HUNG OUT~ Fires in the evening and no bedtimes and sleeping in were high on our agendas. We are so very thankful to have had this special time with them. We all have talked about going to see them when they move to Washington. Seriously....why do we keep moving further away from each other?? (or is it more farther... hee hee)

We were restaging a picture from the last time we visited them in CALIFORNIA.




I love this special friend (and her kiddos too) and was so glad she took the time to drive BY HERSELF with FOUR CHILDREN to come and see us. And by the way, she drove STRAIGHT THROUGH on her way home ....28.5 hours! But like we say...once you see a NO VACANCY...make puns and keep driving baby...keep driving!

Love you Kel!

June's Journeys.

My summer literally began in the doctor's office. I have been trying to get to the bottom of a two year long struggle with what they believe to be some sort of autoimmune disease. I was able to get into a rheumatologist on June 1st as my issues are centered around problems with my joints. It has been an up and down battle since the summer of 2009. But this past Spring when I found it difficult some mornings to get out of bed, open up a jar, or button up my shirt I headed to the doctor determined to find out what is up. I have been told I have the beginning stages of Rhuematoid Arthritis. But it still not 100% sure. I have been on a couple of medications which I am not too crazy about. (However on the flip side I did find out that my Walgreen points have skyrocketed with these perscriptions I have been trying. I am thinking it will fund some back to school supplies.) Consequently I have been looking into other remedies and things I should be doing. While my bloodwork does not show positive for RA, my "sed rate" (aka how fast my red blood cells fall) is high and continues to climb. One thing I am trying are nutrition changes. I have run across a few interesting research studies.

My favorite one has been what I call the CAVEMAN DIET. It is like going back to eating like the hunters and gatherers did way long ago. Of course my favorite part was that they did allow small amounts of coffee as acceptable which every other diet says NO COFFEE!!! Of course if you know me you know... that is a HUGE sacrifice for me. I have had various levels of success with this new venture. Some days have fared batter than others. I know the food changes will work but find it so hard to do it as it takes lots of planning and COOKING! And again, if you know me....UGH..not a big kitchen person. But I enter the month of August here in just about 48 hours with new resolve and hope that the changes will make a difference when I go back to the doctors for a followup in November. I promise I am not going crazy with the whole "caveman thing" but it seems the route that makes most sense for me right now. There will be no pics posted of me gnawing on a huge turkey leg (apologies to 'Krispy') nor will I be hunting each day for my dinner. I actually downloaded the cookbook and was encouraged by the yummy recipes that are basically just eating good and I am thinking that my family will like it too.

Other than trying to change my LIFE LONG BAD HABITS I have had a great summer. The girls and I headed east June 1st. We made it to my parents house and celebrated my Dad's 75th birthday. We spent about 10 days with them and enjoyed swimming, shopping and crafting. I also worked on scrapbooks for my brothers. It was a blast to sift through old photographs and reminisce about growing up. Some pictures just spoke volumes and took me back to moments that were so clear in my mind it seemed like yesterday. The girls and I also went with my Mom to see Aunt Lois and my cousin Melissa and her family. I really enjoyed catching up everyone. We had a great time being there and it gave me a time to rest and relax. We were super excited to be there for my Dad's 75th birthday. What a great Dad and Pappy we have!


We ALWAYS love a visit with Aunt Lois.


The girls were excited to see Elizabeth and Anna. Missi and I determined it had been three years since we had gotten together. We had such a great time catching up with thier family.


After Pennsyvlania we traveled to Virginia for 2 weeks. We had such a RELAXING time. I felt like someone needed to scoop me off of the floor it was so relaxing. Of course when I look back at my pictures I realize I took NO pictures of the people who made it that way for me. I am thinking that is because usually the relaxing part involved being poolside and NO ONE wants a picture taken POOLSIDE! WOW, did we ever enjoy our time with the Haleys, the Thomases (or is it Thomas'or Thomas's... that's for you Julie T.)and the Davenports and of course the GRAND HOSTESSES...the Stuckeys. Those friendships mean so much to our family and are such a comfortable fit. Each of these families have big pieces of our hearts....they are forever friends~
We love our "Virginia Cousins"



We capped of our month long journey with a visit to the BEACH! My parents rented a house in Ocean City, New Jersey and we all converged the last week in June. It was a great time celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and a super time spending time with family. One downside to living so far from everyone is that "getting together" is harder. Even though we do it just a few times a year, now it is even more difficult. We played games, shared meals, talked, walked the boardwalk, bought hermit crabs, ate ice-cream and just had a fantastic time!


I love this picture! After about 10 jumps my brother finally caught the shot on his phone.

Yeah, pretty much....my June was nothing less than perfect!!

"But God",....and a carton of eggs!

There's nothing like a box of resurrection eggs to set the tone of your heart. There's nothing like children discussing the meaning of the contents of each egg with such assured faith and understanding to redirect your spirit. There's nothing like a carton of resurrection eggs to bring out the reminder of why we can live a life full of hope. Sometimes I amaze myself how I can allow my mind to wander into the realm of itself! I allow my fears and shortcomings to direct my attention away from what I know to be truth, what I know to be real, what I know to be forever. It seems that the trials I face are too big or too much of my own doing to be put at the feet of Jesus. I feel like I am constantly wooed by the things of this earth that are temperal and just....not true. I flirt with those things that take me from what I have known to be true.

I have found myself, this week, with my heart turned towards the sacrifice that was made on my behalf. I have had somewhat of an attitude adjustment when those doubts creep in. I have been reminded. I have been encouraged. I have been directed that when I feel those doubts encroaching on my life to replace it with a BUT GOD....

BUT GOD....is my strength. I can endure all things.
BUT GOD....loves those who hate us, No one can rob me of joy.
BUT GOD....knows my every need, I need not worry about any of them.
BUT GOD....forgives and forgets even when I fail Him daily.
BUT GOD....has the power to change lives, no matter!
BUT GOD....is faithful, He will not disappoint me.
BUT GOD....is in control of all the details of my life,(even those that seem trivial)
BUT GOD....knows my future and has a special plan for my life.
BUT GOD....knows my shortcomings and still desires me
BUT GOD....desires to complete me and use me
BUT GOD....loves me, despite of me
BUT GOD....died for me, overcame the grave, and lives to love.

I love the lyrics to Matt Mahr's song: I have found myself playing and replaying it. It reminds me of the power I have in the ressurection of the cross. It reminds me of his unending love and desire for me!

I flirt with the world
It steals my love for You
My fear grips my faith
And I am left unmoved

Your gaze stops my heart
Your voice fills the dark
Your love is the spark that lights this life

So we rise
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

You quiet the storm
Inside my shipwrecked soul
Your spirit will lead
It calls the wayward home

At the sound of Your name
Our sin is washed away
In Christ we're crucified
In You we die, in You we rise

Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

And we're singing along
Your daughters and sons
We're singing Your song
We are Your children

Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Of course the best thing about doing Ressurection Eggs is anticipating that last egg...the empty egg. For "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" HE HAS RISEN, HE HAS RISEN INDEED!

6, NO...7 things you do when you're 7! Seeing life through my youngest.

This past Friday I took my youngest for some pre-birthday shopping. Pappy and Mimi sent a Kohl's card a little early so that Ellie could buy a new outfit. We set out, just the two of us on Friday night, and I learned quite a bit seeing life through the eyes of an almost 7 year old.

First, counting to 100 helps the time pass by faster. We live quite a bit away from...well, most things. Ellie's latest question when we are in the car has been, "How many times do I have to count to 100 before we get there?" It was amazing how many different ways we can count to 100! Of course everytime she asks the infamous questions her next statement is.."Count with me Mom!" Since we were in the car alone and didn't risk driving anyone nuts...we counted to 100 in some pretty interesting ways. I actually was laughing and it really did make the 30 minute trek go much faster! (I am kind of hoping she is out of this phase, however, when we head east this summer)

Secondly, getting to and from stores is much more fun when you go...."1.2.3....JUMP!" I think we entered each place (STARBUCKS, KOHLS, PANERA) with a "Ready Mom, 1,2,3...jump!" It also comes in handy when there are mud puddles everywhere!

Thirdly, being able to try on whatever you want and not being in a rush is WAY MORE FUN than being in a hurry. It also teaches an almost 7 year old "Born to Shop" kind of kid how to decide what she really, reallly, really wants without going over her birthday limit.

Fourth, Having someone to watch you make a rockstar entrance with each outfit not only does a person good, it also provides entertainment for everyone around. I thought the older gentleman was going to fall off his chair each time Ellie would come out and say, "Seriously Mom, seriously, you are going to love this!" His wife even had her arm motions down to a tee.

Fifth, Almost 7 year olds have lots to say when you take the time to listen. I think most of the night my mouth was silent but my ears and heart were filled. I wish I would listen more!

Sixth, when you go out to eat, anticipating the buzzer to light up and buzz is such A FUN GAME especially when your almost 7 year old doesn't know that you can see the worker behind the panera bar prepping your meal and you pretend to be a physic and count down and point to the buzzer and "make" it go off at exactly the precise moment!

Lastly, when you've had a full night and your almost 7 year old sits down at Panera and after we pray looks at you and says..."So, Mom,...How are YOU?...let's talk!" Well, what's there to do other than melt right there on the spot!

Yep, seeing life through the eyes of an almost 7 year old is pretty much of a "tone setter" My heart is full of the lessons this kid teaches me.

Proud of my gals!

Last week our school had their Spring Program. It was absolutely wonderful. The kids donned their fedoras and big jazzy ties! The gym was transformed into a "Cougar Coffee House" with a Jazz theme! They served coffee and baked goods before the concert and decorated in a Mardi Gras/Jazz style. Our audience sat at tables and enjoyed a coffee house style performance with singing, band performances and the middle school students sharing original poetry. Both Kathryn and Julia performed in the band, and they shared an original piece of poetry. It was a proud Mom moment!




I am just realizing that I do not have a saved (on computer) copy of Kathryn's poem, "Music". I will have to post that another time. Her presentation of the poem was exceptional! Both Julia and Kathryn have the gift of rhyme which makes their Mama proud. (I did include another poem that Kathryn wrote during our poetry unit)


SCHOOL
Expo Markers and teachers
Desks and books
Minds in deep thought
Or that’s the way it looks
Thinking and working
You can’t be a fool
The loud slam of lockers
This is what makes school
By Kathryn Yoder




The Performance
Your heart is beating very fast
The crowd before you, so very vast
You begin sweat
And start to regret
Standing there
a hot sweaty mess

Surely they can hear
the pounding of your heart
But, there’s no turning back
The performance must start

You walk up on stage
to begin sharing
You try to begin…
But everyone’s staring!

You try one more time….
And to your delight
Your voice becomes clear…..
You feel no more fright

When you are through
the crowd is roaring
You take a bow
Your mind is soaring…
It truly was the best performance!
By Julia Yoder

Vocab lessons, puking kids, and broken dryers and other things that make me EXUBERANT!

I absolutely love it when I am teaching and the Lord speaks to me! A couple of weeks ago I was teaching a vocabulary lesson and one of the words we were discussing was exuberant.

Exuberant means effusively and almost uninhibitedly enthusiastic; lavishly abundant:abounding in vitality; extremely joyful and vigorous; extremely good; overflowing; plentiful

When we were discussing this word I asked the class to talk about things that make them exuberant! One of the parts of the lesson was for them to act out the meaning of the word. Their ideas were interesting and of course the charade for exuberant was acted out in an exaggerated manner. But I was prompted in my spirit to examine my attitude of exuberance towards things that happen in my life, every little bit of it! Of course thinking about thoughts like that when life is "good" makes you feel all spiritual inside. But He used that vocab lesson to prepare me for the recent events in my life.This past week has proven to test my exuberance levels.

About a week ago our dryer broke and Eric and I have spent several of our evenings at the laundry mat using the huge dryers. We usually try and do a few loads and then head into the laundry mat to dry it all at the same time. Of course you know I joke about living out in the middle of nowhere, so a trip to the laundry mat seems more like a huge commitment then an inconvenience across town. We are uncertain whether to fix it or purchase one as we've had so may things "come up" that the thought of having to purchase a dryer makes me want to throw up! Which brings me to my latest test of exuberance levels. I was awoken last night with a puking child. I know we all have times when our kids our sick. For me, it is just the thought of immediately knowing I need to kick it into gear and make sub plans that tends to stress me out. So admist dragging up the extra mattress to the living room for my version of "carpetless triage" and tending to someone puking, I am all the while thinking of how to prepare for my students the next day. When should I call, do I have everything run off, is what I was planning on doing something a sub could do...you get the picture. (by the way, being a perfectionist about sub plans doesn't help the stress levels either!)

However, each time I started to stress this week about the dryer or last night about the pukes and my need to create sub plans I kept remembering the vocabulary word. I specifically remembered how the students acted out what exuberant looks like. Tonight at the laundry mat I created a TOP TEN list of sorts!

TEN REASONS WHY BROKEN DRYERS AND PUKING CHILDREN MAKE ME EXUBERANT(in no particular order!)

10. Spending any amount of time in a laundry mat can make the most thankless person thankful. I am not sterotyping anyone. I remembered all to well the three years of our married life with two small children and having to use a laundry mat every week! But seriously, I found myself rejoicing that this was just a temporary thing. It was like the most destitute people were at the laundry mat each time I went. It has become a time when I pray as well as think of things for which I am thankful. My life really is a blessed one!

9. Using big dryers takes less time. It also provides immediate folded laundry.... which is an area I can struggle with here at home. I tend to fold laundry "tomorrow"

8. The thought that I could actually live without a dryer and still be OK is a little overwhelming to me. But it did make me think of things that I tend to think of as MUST HAVES, and really are just mere luxuries that I take for granted. We really have so much more than we could ever need.

7. Puking children prompt me to deep clean my house (another area I struggle with)

6. Puking children give you an opportunity to serve without expecting anything in return.

5. A puking chlld (at least mine) provides me with interesting conversations. My youngest, especially in the past 24 hours, has divulged so much information to me that has allowed me to know her better. She has told me stories about things that bother her, or things that are dear to her heart.They were preceded by a "Promise you won't tell anyone?" It has been precious. Today she even had a litany of questions she was asking between each wretch. It was like her mind was purging as well. Her questions and comments ranged from "Do you know some people look at their snot after they blow their nose!" to "Why does God let us throw up?" I love this kid. Though I am exhausted, she has made my heart full the past 24 hours.

4. A broken dryer while having a puking child makes me grateful that it wasn't my WASHER that was broken! It allowed my 3:30 wake up/clean up call to go a lot smoother. I most likely would have thrown away the things I was able to throw in the washer as I am not so great with the handwashing post-puke items!

3. While I would not have planned a sick child today, puking children make me realize that GOD's timing is always perfect. I can count on that, rely on that, believe it that.

2. Broken dryers make us appreciate the things that do work in my home-- my heater, my dishwasher, I have electricity...and so on and so on!

1.Facing broken dryers and puking children with an exuberant spirit is way more beneficial to the soul than being stressed!

So, while I was waiting at the laundry mat I figured I would walk to the Dollar General and get some cleaning stuff. I had used up all of my Clorox today. I shuffled down the sidewalk still in my sweats and my hair pulled back in a pony tail. Make up had not found its way to my face all day. The biggest thing I had going for me is that I did brush my teeth and that maybe I was carrying that dyer-sheet smell with me from the laundry mat. As I was checking out the cashier asked me. "How are you this evening, Mam?" I said exuberantly, "I am great. Thanks, how about you?" He stopped and looked at me and said,"Wow, that's the best repsonse I've gotten all day. You wouldn't believe how many people come in here and seem so...well, grouchy!" I had a quick moment to share with him exactly why I was so exuberant! The opportunity to share with him blessed me so very much.

Vocab lessons, broken dryers and puking kids...yup, they make me exuberant!