"Mom, your breakfast looks gross!"

"Ewwwwwwww, Uh, Mommy...you're breakfast looks gross! No offense!" were the words that came from Ellie's mouth as she compared my "breakfast" with her breakfast of Cheerios and a partial donut she had saved from the day before. I laughed because compared to her breakfast my "protein" and "fruit" looked...well, gross!

Almost three years ago I set my mind to lose weight. I really had spiraled quite a bit out of control in that area. I found a program that worked and kept it off for almost 2 years. This past semester, my workload and life in general zapped every ounce of everything I had. I reverted to a regular old college diet....never eating breakfast...grabbing a quick lunch....eating a bagel for dinner...then being starved when I got home from class at 9:30....eating dinner then....staying up until all hours of the night...NEVER exercising... No worries, I have not gained back the 62 pounds I originally lost but some extra "l-b's" have snuck up on me and I have had the hardest time being disciplined! I am committed to getting back down where I feel better, but mostly I want that discipline back.

I read recently that being disciplined in any area is never permanent if it does not begin from within. As I contemplate being disciplined from within that brings to mind a whole host of areas in which I need to be disciplined. I am currently reading a book on raising teenagers ...since I am a burgeoning parent of a teen.(A task I am just beginning to understand!) One area that it talks about is being HONEST with your teen about areas in which you struggle. We can't expect to parent a teen and force expectations that we ourselves struggle with as well....anger, self centeredness, and pride to name a few. It has been a different perspective for me, a different angle to consider as I interact and see opportunities to come along side her and share the root of issues, etc. Of course it humbles me beyond belief because it has knocked me down a few pegs....Oh OK, it has completely knocked me off the ladder.

With Eric being gone I am clear that this is what the Lord wants me to "work on" "learn" "grow in". So, as I eat my gross breakfast I am reminded that more important than shedding this extra poundage...I need to be disciplined from within. That requires me to step up my game....be in His word more, seek ways to serve, love my children,...the list really could go on and on. Not everyday will be perfect. Believe me in the last four weeks I have had many days that were not good! But I am encouraged to know that God is faithful to his promises. The following scripture has been encouraging to me.
ISAIAH 40:28-31
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

My strength will RISE as I wait on the LORD!

I miss my husband terribly...even the things that get on my nerves! (tee hee) but I know that the Lord will use this time to refine me and make me more like HIM. It may take many "gross breakfasts" to accomplish the task. But I am ready. Please excuse me while I go make my "gross dinner!"