The Crossroads between Perfectionism, Reality, and My Life!

The alarm seems to blare at 5:00AM each morning reminding me that I need to get my body out of bed, make sure my oldest is getting up and try to focus on what needs to be done. While there is much to do it is hard to focus. My mind quickly travels to the dishes in my sink that most likely were left unattended and the laundry that still waits on that black living room recliner longing to be folded and put away, the lunches that have not gotten packed,a bathroom that screams to be cleaned,and the questions of how am I going to get that stack of essays graded by 3rd period today? Joining them are the never ending list of things that I can't seem to ever get to on a regular basis. Listing them would be too much for my pride. It's enough that you know my sink is dirty a majority of the time and my laundry seems endless. These thoughts plague my mind as I decide if I should continue to stay safe under the covers of my bed or just get up and do something that might rid my mind of these taunting and undone tasks. It seems like perfectionism and reality collide each morning as soon as my alarm blares its obnoxious ring. How can I manage? Why can't I get it all done? Why does this feeling of overwhelmed never seem to leave? That's where reality creeps in and speaks. I am only one person, I only have 24 hours, I only can do so much. But those excuses seem so pitiful to me, and well, like EXCUSES! Ugh! Why can't it all just fit together and work seemlessly like it usually does when I plan it all out in my head! This is a battle I fight everyday before my feet even hit the floor. It's really not a great way to start the day...already defeated. I have purposefully tried to begin it with thanksgiving and praise, but these things still seem to loom in my thoughts. It's hard to just shake it off and as my Dad would say....Do the NEXT THING!(his motto for getting it done!)

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17"

I was reminded and encouraged recently by this small verse in Colossians. Holding on to this promise is encouraging. It's good to know He can take on this daily battle and actually hold it all together and help me in the process find some sort of balance in it all.

'Standing out' in Babylon

I saw a cornstalk this morning sticking straight out of a field of soybeans. The picture is not all that great, but if you look real close you may be able to see it. It has been growing there, thriving admist the soybeans. There have been other stalks that have tried to emerge but have ended up dying off being choked out by the soybeans. I was amazed that out of the entire field of soybeans this stalk of corn has survived and emerged despite its surroundings. It brought to mind the things that have been processing through my mind recently as I have been challenged to consider what I am doing as a Christian that makes me "stand out" from the world. Before I go any further I will let you know that most of these thoughts have been spurred on by listening to a series on Daniel that my brother is currently doing. Here's the link: well worth the listen~ (or you can download the "text" of the sermon and READ IT TOO!
http://wethefc.com/sermons.php

The sermons go through the story of Daniel and remind us of how he was a citizen of Jerusalem and was thrust into Babylon...the direct antithesis of Jerusalem. The key thing that keeps running through my mind is the question, "As a citizen of Jerusalem,what am I doing that sets me apart from the citizens of Babylon?" In other words......What am I actively, purposefully doing so that people see a difference in me? As a believer and follower of Christ do I look different to the world? I don't think that being "nice" is good enough to cut it. I don't think I'm a cranky woman or anything... (don't ask my kids some days!) But, sometimes I feel so immersed in the world that I wonder how much of it has "rubbed" off on me. Should I watch that? Should I go there? Should I drink that? Should I be doing that? Should I pursue that? Should I say that? Seeing the story of Daniel unpacked has caused me to really think about these things. While some of those things are "OK" and seem harmless if I don't find some way to be different I will emerge changed by the world.

I have even thought about the small ways I respond to life; how people see me respond in situations that are difficult. Even more practical are the simple things; like how I react when life gets interrupted or how I respond to the slow check-out clerk or the "incompetentcy" that surrounds me:-). Am I too much in the world that it has gobbled me up? Or am I growing and thriving despite the world?

Also, I am really the kind of person that cares WAY TOO MUCH about what people think. I seem to always be worried about making sure no one thinks I am "different". I might as well be saying..."I just want people to like me!!" How shallow! Wow, I sound like one of my Jr. High girls telling me that she just wants to have friends. It's like I think being a Christian in today's world is supposed to go off seemlessly.....Just be a Christian, the world will think that is so very cool! Seeing that visual today reminded me that standing out is just that........showing how you are different. I should expect it to be uncomfortable. As you go through the book of Daniel it is clear that he and his friends indeed experienced some pretty uncomfortable times. (To date, I have yet to be thrown into a firey furnace!) Yet, they emerged strengthend and caused great change among them.

I may just have to print off this picture...put one on the fridge, one on my desk at work to remind me that I am a citizen of Jerusalem living in the City of Babylon.I pray that I can find ways to show this difference and emerge strengthened in my faith.

BFFs 4-evah~

I ended June's Journeys with GUESTS...nah make that "family". The Rogers traveled all the way from sunny California to super HOT MISSOURI and spent 11 days with us. We joked that she spent so much time here she started to make friends. Again BOOOOOOO to me for taking very few pictures!!! Ugh! Everyday I said I NEED TO GET MY CAMERA OUT! Kelly was great to post pics on her FB...so go to her posts from July and you can get a snapshot of what we did. It was SUPER FUN!!!! While Kelly and I have been good about trying to see each other at least every two years, the kids hadn't seen each other for 6 years. It really didn't seem that way at all. We were crammed up in our house (much too hot to spend long periods of time anywhere not with AC) and had a blast. We played games, watched movies and just HUNG OUT~ Fires in the evening and no bedtimes and sleeping in were high on our agendas. We are so very thankful to have had this special time with them. We all have talked about going to see them when they move to Washington. Seriously....why do we keep moving further away from each other?? (or is it more farther... hee hee)

We were restaging a picture from the last time we visited them in CALIFORNIA.




I love this special friend (and her kiddos too) and was so glad she took the time to drive BY HERSELF with FOUR CHILDREN to come and see us. And by the way, she drove STRAIGHT THROUGH on her way home ....28.5 hours! But like we say...once you see a NO VACANCY...make puns and keep driving baby...keep driving!

Love you Kel!

June's Journeys.

My summer literally began in the doctor's office. I have been trying to get to the bottom of a two year long struggle with what they believe to be some sort of autoimmune disease. I was able to get into a rheumatologist on June 1st as my issues are centered around problems with my joints. It has been an up and down battle since the summer of 2009. But this past Spring when I found it difficult some mornings to get out of bed, open up a jar, or button up my shirt I headed to the doctor determined to find out what is up. I have been told I have the beginning stages of Rhuematoid Arthritis. But it still not 100% sure. I have been on a couple of medications which I am not too crazy about. (However on the flip side I did find out that my Walgreen points have skyrocketed with these perscriptions I have been trying. I am thinking it will fund some back to school supplies.) Consequently I have been looking into other remedies and things I should be doing. While my bloodwork does not show positive for RA, my "sed rate" (aka how fast my red blood cells fall) is high and continues to climb. One thing I am trying are nutrition changes. I have run across a few interesting research studies.

My favorite one has been what I call the CAVEMAN DIET. It is like going back to eating like the hunters and gatherers did way long ago. Of course my favorite part was that they did allow small amounts of coffee as acceptable which every other diet says NO COFFEE!!! Of course if you know me you know... that is a HUGE sacrifice for me. I have had various levels of success with this new venture. Some days have fared batter than others. I know the food changes will work but find it so hard to do it as it takes lots of planning and COOKING! And again, if you know me....UGH..not a big kitchen person. But I enter the month of August here in just about 48 hours with new resolve and hope that the changes will make a difference when I go back to the doctors for a followup in November. I promise I am not going crazy with the whole "caveman thing" but it seems the route that makes most sense for me right now. There will be no pics posted of me gnawing on a huge turkey leg (apologies to 'Krispy') nor will I be hunting each day for my dinner. I actually downloaded the cookbook and was encouraged by the yummy recipes that are basically just eating good and I am thinking that my family will like it too.

Other than trying to change my LIFE LONG BAD HABITS I have had a great summer. The girls and I headed east June 1st. We made it to my parents house and celebrated my Dad's 75th birthday. We spent about 10 days with them and enjoyed swimming, shopping and crafting. I also worked on scrapbooks for my brothers. It was a blast to sift through old photographs and reminisce about growing up. Some pictures just spoke volumes and took me back to moments that were so clear in my mind it seemed like yesterday. The girls and I also went with my Mom to see Aunt Lois and my cousin Melissa and her family. I really enjoyed catching up everyone. We had a great time being there and it gave me a time to rest and relax. We were super excited to be there for my Dad's 75th birthday. What a great Dad and Pappy we have!


We ALWAYS love a visit with Aunt Lois.


The girls were excited to see Elizabeth and Anna. Missi and I determined it had been three years since we had gotten together. We had such a great time catching up with thier family.


After Pennsyvlania we traveled to Virginia for 2 weeks. We had such a RELAXING time. I felt like someone needed to scoop me off of the floor it was so relaxing. Of course when I look back at my pictures I realize I took NO pictures of the people who made it that way for me. I am thinking that is because usually the relaxing part involved being poolside and NO ONE wants a picture taken POOLSIDE! WOW, did we ever enjoy our time with the Haleys, the Thomases (or is it Thomas'or Thomas's... that's for you Julie T.)and the Davenports and of course the GRAND HOSTESSES...the Stuckeys. Those friendships mean so much to our family and are such a comfortable fit. Each of these families have big pieces of our hearts....they are forever friends~
We love our "Virginia Cousins"



We capped of our month long journey with a visit to the BEACH! My parents rented a house in Ocean City, New Jersey and we all converged the last week in June. It was a great time celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and a super time spending time with family. One downside to living so far from everyone is that "getting together" is harder. Even though we do it just a few times a year, now it is even more difficult. We played games, shared meals, talked, walked the boardwalk, bought hermit crabs, ate ice-cream and just had a fantastic time!


I love this picture! After about 10 jumps my brother finally caught the shot on his phone.

Yeah, pretty much....my June was nothing less than perfect!!

"But God",....and a carton of eggs!

There's nothing like a box of resurrection eggs to set the tone of your heart. There's nothing like children discussing the meaning of the contents of each egg with such assured faith and understanding to redirect your spirit. There's nothing like a carton of resurrection eggs to bring out the reminder of why we can live a life full of hope. Sometimes I amaze myself how I can allow my mind to wander into the realm of itself! I allow my fears and shortcomings to direct my attention away from what I know to be truth, what I know to be real, what I know to be forever. It seems that the trials I face are too big or too much of my own doing to be put at the feet of Jesus. I feel like I am constantly wooed by the things of this earth that are temperal and just....not true. I flirt with those things that take me from what I have known to be true.

I have found myself, this week, with my heart turned towards the sacrifice that was made on my behalf. I have had somewhat of an attitude adjustment when those doubts creep in. I have been reminded. I have been encouraged. I have been directed that when I feel those doubts encroaching on my life to replace it with a BUT GOD....

BUT GOD....is my strength. I can endure all things.
BUT GOD....loves those who hate us, No one can rob me of joy.
BUT GOD....knows my every need, I need not worry about any of them.
BUT GOD....forgives and forgets even when I fail Him daily.
BUT GOD....has the power to change lives, no matter!
BUT GOD....is faithful, He will not disappoint me.
BUT GOD....is in control of all the details of my life,(even those that seem trivial)
BUT GOD....knows my future and has a special plan for my life.
BUT GOD....knows my shortcomings and still desires me
BUT GOD....desires to complete me and use me
BUT GOD....loves me, despite of me
BUT GOD....died for me, overcame the grave, and lives to love.

I love the lyrics to Matt Mahr's song: I have found myself playing and replaying it. It reminds me of the power I have in the ressurection of the cross. It reminds me of his unending love and desire for me!

I flirt with the world
It steals my love for You
My fear grips my faith
And I am left unmoved

Your gaze stops my heart
Your voice fills the dark
Your love is the spark that lights this life

So we rise
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

You quiet the storm
Inside my shipwrecked soul
Your spirit will lead
It calls the wayward home

At the sound of Your name
Our sin is washed away
In Christ we're crucified
In You we die, in You we rise

Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

And we're singing along
Your daughters and sons
We're singing Your song
We are Your children

Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Of course the best thing about doing Ressurection Eggs is anticipating that last egg...the empty egg. For "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" HE HAS RISEN, HE HAS RISEN INDEED!

6, NO...7 things you do when you're 7! Seeing life through my youngest.

This past Friday I took my youngest for some pre-birthday shopping. Pappy and Mimi sent a Kohl's card a little early so that Ellie could buy a new outfit. We set out, just the two of us on Friday night, and I learned quite a bit seeing life through the eyes of an almost 7 year old.

First, counting to 100 helps the time pass by faster. We live quite a bit away from...well, most things. Ellie's latest question when we are in the car has been, "How many times do I have to count to 100 before we get there?" It was amazing how many different ways we can count to 100! Of course everytime she asks the infamous questions her next statement is.."Count with me Mom!" Since we were in the car alone and didn't risk driving anyone nuts...we counted to 100 in some pretty interesting ways. I actually was laughing and it really did make the 30 minute trek go much faster! (I am kind of hoping she is out of this phase, however, when we head east this summer)

Secondly, getting to and from stores is much more fun when you go...."1.2.3....JUMP!" I think we entered each place (STARBUCKS, KOHLS, PANERA) with a "Ready Mom, 1,2,3...jump!" It also comes in handy when there are mud puddles everywhere!

Thirdly, being able to try on whatever you want and not being in a rush is WAY MORE FUN than being in a hurry. It also teaches an almost 7 year old "Born to Shop" kind of kid how to decide what she really, reallly, really wants without going over her birthday limit.

Fourth, Having someone to watch you make a rockstar entrance with each outfit not only does a person good, it also provides entertainment for everyone around. I thought the older gentleman was going to fall off his chair each time Ellie would come out and say, "Seriously Mom, seriously, you are going to love this!" His wife even had her arm motions down to a tee.

Fifth, Almost 7 year olds have lots to say when you take the time to listen. I think most of the night my mouth was silent but my ears and heart were filled. I wish I would listen more!

Sixth, when you go out to eat, anticipating the buzzer to light up and buzz is such A FUN GAME especially when your almost 7 year old doesn't know that you can see the worker behind the panera bar prepping your meal and you pretend to be a physic and count down and point to the buzzer and "make" it go off at exactly the precise moment!

Lastly, when you've had a full night and your almost 7 year old sits down at Panera and after we pray looks at you and says..."So, Mom,...How are YOU?...let's talk!" Well, what's there to do other than melt right there on the spot!

Yep, seeing life through the eyes of an almost 7 year old is pretty much of a "tone setter" My heart is full of the lessons this kid teaches me.

Proud of my gals!

Last week our school had their Spring Program. It was absolutely wonderful. The kids donned their fedoras and big jazzy ties! The gym was transformed into a "Cougar Coffee House" with a Jazz theme! They served coffee and baked goods before the concert and decorated in a Mardi Gras/Jazz style. Our audience sat at tables and enjoyed a coffee house style performance with singing, band performances and the middle school students sharing original poetry. Both Kathryn and Julia performed in the band, and they shared an original piece of poetry. It was a proud Mom moment!




I am just realizing that I do not have a saved (on computer) copy of Kathryn's poem, "Music". I will have to post that another time. Her presentation of the poem was exceptional! Both Julia and Kathryn have the gift of rhyme which makes their Mama proud. (I did include another poem that Kathryn wrote during our poetry unit)


SCHOOL
Expo Markers and teachers
Desks and books
Minds in deep thought
Or that’s the way it looks
Thinking and working
You can’t be a fool
The loud slam of lockers
This is what makes school
By Kathryn Yoder




The Performance
Your heart is beating very fast
The crowd before you, so very vast
You begin sweat
And start to regret
Standing there
a hot sweaty mess

Surely they can hear
the pounding of your heart
But, there’s no turning back
The performance must start

You walk up on stage
to begin sharing
You try to begin…
But everyone’s staring!

You try one more time….
And to your delight
Your voice becomes clear…..
You feel no more fright

When you are through
the crowd is roaring
You take a bow
Your mind is soaring…
It truly was the best performance!
By Julia Yoder